


The Behaviour of an Idiot in Love

by KrystalM



Category: Merlin (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Attempt at Humor, Enemies to Friends to Lovers, Eventual Romance, Fluff and Crack, Fluff and Humor, Happy Ending, Happy-Gay-Merlin, Historian Master Student Merlin, Humor, Idiots in Love, Law Student Arthur, M/M, Meet-Cute, Romantic Comedy, Sexual Humor, Straight-Cool-Calm-Arthur, Student Arthur, Student Merlin
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-10-31
Updated: 2017-12-19
Packaged: 2019-01-27 09:23:17
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 22,144
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12578612
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/KrystalM/pseuds/KrystalM
Summary: (VERY SLOW UPDATES; hence why I put this in 'complete' mode. Will put it as incomplete and continue once I have finished my other WIPs)Featuring a law student Arthur who’s cool and straight as they come and Merlin, a happy history Masters student who's as gay as they can be. They meet the most unusual way. Merlin falls love-in-first-sight with Arthur. Arthur? He’s mostly amused and annoyed. And then suddenly, he’s not.AKA: The time when Arthur walked in on Merlin trying to dry his pants by standing weirdly and sensually under a hand heater, resulting in Arthur thinking Merlin is a weirdo who gets off on hand heaters. Cue Merlin trying to prove him wrong. And failing, every single time.





	1. I Am Not Attracted to the Hand Heater!

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer: I own nothing but the plot! And maybe the crackiness that comes with it. 
> 
> A/N: Hello~ So, here I am, sitting in front of my computer, having been writing the Prat Prince halfway of chapter 9 when I couldn't help but to think; what if; just what if; this happens? Hence, here it is, a total crack and also, not so crack, mostly funny story of gay-as-hell!Merlin trying to seduce a straight-as-a-ruler!Arthur into being with him--by being a total weirdo. I just want something light and funny to write. 
> 
> I hope I got the 'funny' part down. Yikes, I hope you guys can feel the **_failedattemptedhumour_** I injected in this while writing. Also, I'm using present tense instead of past tense just for experimenting~ I had fun writing this chapter. I'm not sure if you guys will like it but--please don't hesitate to let me know if you want me to continue! Until next time~ -Krystal
> 
> P.S: FYI, this has happened to me. Not the whole handsome male walking into the bathroom but more along the lines me tying to dry my wet jeans—in front of the hand heater of my uni. Only instead of being laughed at by my best friend at home, she laughs behind me as she stares at my amusing acrobatic skills that I didn’t realise I had until then trying to dry my jeans. Yeap. Good times.

 

 

** CHAPTER 1  **

** I Am Not Attracted to the Hand Heater!  **

 

 

Merlin is exhausted. Waking up at five in the morning for an early shift working as a barista in the university’s cafe and then straight to class at twelve noon—is _exhausting_. Merlin wants nothing better than to just go back home and slump on his bed. He wants to sleep for more than five hours every night. 

Catch some Z’s or the sheep with wools so fluffy they were made out of clouds or whatever else metaphor that’s associated with ‘I want to fucking sleep and go off to dreamland where I can be the ruler of my own kingdom and have a King who’s so in love with me wait on me hand and foot and treat me like the King I was born to be, goddamnit!’. 

Yes, Merlin has his own world in his head he likes to drift off to but that’s his secret and his secret alone, thanks. Will will never let it down if he finds out he’s desperate enough for a boyfriend he resorted to the ‘perfect man’ in his dreams. 

But alas, this is his life. Arseholes for friends and scraping-for-food-and-rent life. This is what he signed up for when he went back to university for a Masters. 

Which by the way, he must have _lost_ his bloody _mind_ when he decided on that. 

Nerdy Merlin needs to get kicked on his arse for being all ‘knowledge is power!’ by Stress-And-Broke-As-Fuck Merlin. 

Well, he should just suck it up and live with it. Keep calm and think of the Queen—and _oh God_ , he’s rambling stupid stuff now. See, Nerdy Merlin? See what Stress-And-Broke Merlin is going through, you arsehole? 

Merlin sighs as he walks into one of the male loos on the first floor of the university. After peeing, he goes to wash his hand, glancing at the mirror to catch his reflection. And—he looks horrible. 

_Wow_ , he looks _terrible_. 

Wait, is that a _highlighter_ mark on his right cheek?

Merlin leans against the sink and stares at his cheek and _yeap_ —it is. 

He almost laughs from the exhaustion he’s feeling at the moment. That's why Will was biting his lips super hard this morning when Merlin was rushing to work. He must have seen the mark and didn’t even say anything, that _fucker_. 

_Wait_.

_Oh. God_. That’s why one of the customers today kept staring at his cheek like he had grown a second head there. 

Merlin whines. 

“Good job, Merlin,” he says to himself. “You’re officially going to go bonkers by the end of this week.” 

And a second later, he adds, “And now I’m talking to myself.”

Yeap. He's officially mad.

He slaps his face to motivate himself. _No pain no gain, Merlin! No Pain. No. Gain._

Merlin takes in a deep breath and grins at himself in the mirror. 

_Yeap_. 

Just keep grinning. 

_Rigghhhhhhhht_.

He looks like a mad person. 

Like someone who had escaped the mental institution and decided to pose as a civilian. 

_Well_ , Merlin thought with a shrug. A university student has got to do what a university student got to do. 

And if that means he will look like a mental person, well—so be it.

He will be the _best_ mental person he can ever be!

That’s the _spirit_! 

He hears a voice in his head that sounds suspicioulsy like Will going ‘You’re an idiot, you know that right?’ but he isn’t going to bother with that triviality. What does Will know besides working at a pub late at night and going to his part-time classes during the day?

Nothing. That’s what. 

With a mental pat to himself, Merlin goes to open the tap, realising he only has twenty minutes left from one glance of his wristwatch to get to the last class of the day. 

And as if the world didn’t think Merlin is having a crazy day already, it decides to become the biggest arsehole in the entire galaxy and goes, ‘ _woops, my bad_ ’ when the tap that Merlin opens just happens to be a faulty one. 

The water sprays from the tap, instead of going vertically downwards, it went upwards and around and everywhere that isn’t _down_ and wets Merlin the one place _no_ man should be wetted. 

Pause. Okay, that sounds bad. And when Merlin scurried to shut the tap off and looks at himself in the mirror, it looks even _worse_. 

_There_ it is. 

Staring right back at him with cruel _evil_ eyes, if it had eyes Merlin’s sure it will give him that look, there’s a patch of wetness in front of his jeans. The patch spreads out into a perfect circle and since Merlin, who’s been making big errors since this morning, decided to wear a pair of worn out light blue jeans today—Merlin could see the wet patch clearly. 

Like it’s advertising to the world: Hey, this is his crotch! And it’s hilarious to look at because it looks like he peed himself! Let’s all throw our heads back and laugh! 

_Fuck. No. Please. Please tell me this didn’t happen!_

_Please!_

He hears a small groan coming from the tap as if it’s laughing at him. 

_Fuck you, tap! I never did anything wrong to you!_

“Oh God,” Merlin squeaked, eyes wide as his hands shake. “I look like I peed myself!”

Merlin immediately slaps a hand over his mouth when he realises that he’s still in a public loo. What if someone hears him? Merlin listens to his surroundings before he drops his hand away from his mouth, sighing in relief. 

Alright, so he’s alone in here. _Good_. 

Now, Merlin, think. Right now, he needs to fix this mess before he could get to class. He _will not_ walk to class like this. He glares at the evil tap, resisting the urge to knock it off the sink. 

He rubs a hand down his face, grimacing when he realises it’s still wet. Now, he looks straight up like a mental person instead of a mental person trying to be a civilian. Correction: he now looks like a straight up mental person—who _peed_ himself. 

He groans. 

Merlin looks around the loo until his eyes land on the hand heater attached to the wall of the loo. An idea pops into his head and he’s desperate enough to give this a shot. He scurries to the hand heater, placing a hand underneath the sensor and sighs in relief when the hot air blows on his palm. 

It’s definitely hot enough to dry his jeans. 

_See_? Merlin can improvise when the time arises! He isn’t _totally_ hopeless. Hah, _take that_ , Will! No, he does not need a babysitter, thank you very much. 

He hums under his breath, standing close to the heater. He angled his hips downwards, bending his knees a bit before he places a palm underneath the sensor to switch it on. He pulls his hand away and swishes his hips side to side before going up and down, tongue poking out of his lips in concentration. 

Unfortunately, the heater is too high up and the air isn’t hot enough once it reaches his crotch. 

Huh, never thought he’ll be wanting hot air on his crotch. 

Well. 

Not like _this_. 

Merlin bites his bottom lip, feeling the inner child in him snickering for that remark. Shaking his head, all amusement vanishes when he realises he only has ten minutes left before class begins. 

Oh, _bollocks_!

Panicked, Merlin starts to look around the loo, trying to find something that’ll elevate his crotch so it’ll reach the air better. His eyes landed on the trashcan. When he realises that the trashcan can be moved, he pulls the thing and places it near the heater. Then, he slowly climbs on it, balancing himself on his knees while he hugs the hand heater. 

Okay, okay, he can do this. He’s great at balancing! When he was in Year 6, he managed to balance himself on a skipping rope tied from one tree to the other in his backyard, courtesy of a bet by Will. He won the bet, _obviously_. 

This was just like that! Only, this wasn’t a rope but a trashcan. 

_Same thing_. 

He slowly lets one hand go and places it under the sensor once more. The hot air blows and with just a bit more tipping of his hip upwards and inwards, the air finally hits directly on his crotch. 

Merlin sighs, making sure to swing his hips away and fro whenever the air got too hot. He wants to dry his jeans, not scald his prick. He’s quite fond of it now that he’s had it since he was a baby. 

“Come on,” Merlin murmurs, gripping the heater with one hand tighter, scooting on his knees closer to the heater so that his jeans dries faster. The wet area slowly begins to dry, little by little, even if Merlin feels like it’s taking an eternity. 

He doesn’t even realise he’s making a weird picture until he hears someone opening the loo door and walking inside, only for the shoes skid to a stop. Merlin looks over his shoulders to the door and sees a man with blue eyes and blond hair—staring at him with a blank look on his face. 

Oh, Merlin thinks, he’s _handsome_. 

_Very_ handsome. Merlin gazes at him for a while longer, assessing him shamelessly. 

_Very nice_. 

Merlinwas _still_ unaware as of this moment what image he made with his hips swinging towards the heater and face flushed. Instead, he did the only thing he does whenever he’s confronted with a handsome young man such as this man right here and switches on his charm. 

He gives the man a huge grin, the patented _Look-I’m-So-Charming-Grin-Number-3_ on his face and goes, “Hi! Go right ahead and use the loo. I’ll be done in a second.”

Then winces when he forgets to move his hips away from the air. “Ouch, too hot,” he says as he pulls away before he touches his jeans, pressing on the front, realising it’s quite dry now. 

“Oh, for God’s sakes,” he hears the man mutter then. “The one time I want to use the loo and I run into a lunatic.”

Merlin snaps his head to look at the person but the handsome Mr Blondie Blond man had already left, the door swinging close. Merlin stares at where the man had been standing before he drags his gaze to the hand heater. He looks at where the man had stood and back at the heater a few times before he finally gets what happened—eyes wide and face ablaze. 

_Oh._

_Hell._

**_No_ ** _._

_Nonononononononononono!_

“Oh no, hey, _wait_!” Merlin screams for the man as he starts to hastily move away from the heater, his body loses balance and he topples on the floor with a harsh thud. Pain shoots down his spine but not right now, he scolds his body. He has a handsome Mr Blondie Blond man to convince that what he saw isn’t what it means. He stands up on his feet, stumbling towards the door and yanking it open. 

He sees Mr Blondie Blond striding away with confident steps and Merlin finds he cannot let the man go with the wrong idea in his head. 

“Hey, _wait_!” Merlin yells. Mr Blondie Blond stops walking, his shoulders becomes tense but he doesn’t make a move to turn around. This causes Merlin to get even more desperate. 

_No_! 

He _can’t_ let this handsome blond devil think he’s a pervert who’s attracted to hand heaters! 

He simply _can’t_!

“It’s not what you think! I was just trying to dry my jeans! I promise! I’m not attracted to hand heaters! I don’t get sexually aroused by them! Not that there’s anything wrong with being aroused by it but it’s not really my kink. I hope you understand that—Hey— _Wait_! I wasn’t done talking, Mr Blondie Blond!”

The said person has already started jogging away from the loo, disappearing around a corner, never to be seen again. Merlin then realises that everyone else at the hallway have stopped to stare at him. Some have their mouths wide open and a few are leering at him, making winking faces. Merlin sees one man, short and stubby, almost half-bald, grinning at him before licking his dry pale lips and winking like the true pervert Merlin is sure he is. 

Merlin immediately pulls himself into the loo, after he stammers out a ‘Nothing’s happening here!’ and slams the door shut, screwing his eyes shut as he bangs his head against the door. 

_Bang!_

_Bang!_

_Bang!_

He keeps banging his head against the door. 

Mr Blondie Blonde was _so_ good looking with a sharp jaw and blue eyes. Merlin whimpers as he slides down to his knees and continues to bang his head, not before side eyeing the hand heater with evil eyes. No, no, it isn’t the hand heater’s fault. It was the _tap’s_!

Now, he shall be known to not only Mr Blondie Blond—but to _everyone_ on the first floor that he gets off on hand heaters. 

_Curse you, Will._

_Why did you have to be right?_

Predictably, when he goes back to his shared flat with Will and tells him about it, instead of being comforted by telling him that the name ‘Hand-Heater-Pervert’ will wear off soon like a good friend should, he gets laughed at. And laughed. And _laughed_ —until Will hurts his stomach and has to take painkillers because he pulled a muscle. 

But even then he _still_ laughs through the pain going ‘ _Ouch_ —Haha— _Ouch_ —Hahaha— _Merlin_ — _Ouch_!—This is so _hilarious_!— _Ouch_!’. Merlin hides in his shame and wallows at the loss of his non-existent reputation in uni and most probably the attention of the handsomest man he has ever met. He takes the embarrassment out on Will by kicking Will to the floor and thumping a pillow over his head repeatedly. 

Even then Will couldn’t stop laughing. The jerk. 

 

 

 


	2. I Am STILL Not Attracted to the Hand Heater!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: I own nothing but the plot!
> 
> A/N: This has been quite fun to write~ Writing something with a light tone really is fun. I hope once again that my humour comes off as well--humorous. If it doesn't...I tried. I hope you guys enjoy this chapter~ Thank you to those who have read, commented, bookmarked, subscribed and gave this story a kudos~ Let me know what you guys thought and until next time~! -Krystal

 

 

It happens _again_. 

_Of course_ it does. 

It’s been a week since the incident that Merlin dubs to himself as ‘The-One-Where-Handsome-Blondie-Thought-I-Got-Off-On-Hand-Heaters-And-Maybe-The-Rest-Of-The-Uni-Does-Too’ aka TOWHBTIGOOHHAMTROTUDT. 

Will dubs it as ‘The-Incident-Where-Merlin-Fails-Yet-Again-In-Life’ aka ‘Merlin’s a Loser’. 

Merlin thinks his dubbing is much more sophisticated—forget about the unpronounceable acronym. 

It’s his incident, he can name it whatever he wants, Will, so shove off. Or better yet, stop spreading the story out to his work colleagues and have a laugh about it! It’s not that funny! 

Merlin threatens to tell everyone about the one time Will got so drunk he became adamant to marrying their expired milk carton. Merlin didn’t stop him. 

Until to this day, no one knew but Merlin that Will is actually Mrs. Expired Milk. 

Thankfully, that works and Will stops teasing him about it. 

Merlin gives him the stink eye before he leaves for uni just in case. 

Then, of course, just when the customers at the cafe and everyone else he bumps into, including one of the professors in his lecture class, stops giving him weird looks— _it_ happens again. 

Merlin has finished the last class of the day. He had too much to drink and rushes off to the loo the minute the professor concluded the lecture. He shoves everyone away, some squawked while others gave him even weirder looks. 

He even hears one particular person going ‘Isn’t that the pervert who had sex in the men’s loo with the hand heater?’ and his friend gasping dramatically going ‘Really? Oh. My. God.’ 

Merlin almost stops on his desperate journey to the loo to correct them and then decides it’s not worth it if he ends up really pissing himself. His pride has already become mush, it’s best not to let it become mushier. 

Just eww, no. 

Merlin slams into the men’s loo, tossing his bag on the sink counter and zips open his jeans once he gets into a cubicle. He sighs in relief when his bladder no longer felt like it’s going to burst his stomach open. Done with his business, Merlin goes to the sink to wash his hand. 

He stops at the sinks, making sure he doesn’t pick the tap that ruined his life. 

He frowns when he realises he isn’t sure which tap it is. 

Is it the tap on the left? Or is it the tap in the middle? 

Merlin hesitates. He even debates the risk of getting an unknown disease and influenza just so he doesn’t have to wash his hands here in case he uses the tap that’s faulty. 

He does not need another repeat of that incident, thanks. 

But alas, he finds it gross to not wash his hands and decides to take a leap of faith. 

Or in this case, he prays that the universe wouldn’t leave him squawking in a mess of wetness on his crotch part of his jeans. 

The universe turns out to hate his guts. 

Merlin is unsure of why. 

When Merlin finally picks a tap, which was on the left side of the row of sinks, and opens the tap, water sprayed everywhere. 

Merlin finds himself panicking as he tries to hurriedly shut the tap off, all the while knowing with dread that his jeans are wet. When he finally shuts it off, one glance at the mirror and he realises he’s this close to just torching this loo down to the ground. 

He isn’t wet at all. No, he’s not wet at all except that part—the one part he hoped, hoped so badly wouldn’t get wet—that part, his crotch. And not to mention, it’s the same coloured jeans he’s wearing, so _ta-da_ —he has a neon sign once again pointing to his crotch and singing evilly: He wetted his pants—again! 

Merlin is so done at this moment. He doesn’t even hesitate to stare at the tap. 

“I fucking loathe you, you evil thing,” Merlin hisses. “I so hate you. Wait ’til I get a hammer! I’m going to come back at night when the uni is closed and bang the shit out of you. And not in the good type of banging either.”

Merlin seethes. And then pauses when his eyes catches his reflection in the mirror. 

He looks like a homicidal maniac. 

And he’s talking to a tap. A _fucking._ _Tap_. 

Yes. 

He’s definitely a maniac. His sanity has left the building. 

Merlin sighs. At least he’s done with classes today. And the loo is empty too. He glances at his wristwatch noting that it’s almost five in the evening. That means the uni is surely emptier than the last time he was in here. 

Good. 

Merlin debates if he should lock the loo door and then decides against it. With his luck, someone would end up reporting it to maintenance and they’ll be barging in while Merlin did his weird dance in front of the hand heater. 

He doesn’t need anymore rumours. 

He groans because _yes_ , he’s actually going to do this— _again_. He isn’t going to catch the tube with wet jeans, especially wet in his crotch area. 

At this moment, he wonders if being called Peeing-In-His-Pants-Merlin is better than being called Perverted-Merlin. He shrugs. His reputation has died anyway. At least it died in a blazing glory of fire. Or in this case, drowned in toilet water. 

Merlin stands in front of the hand heater, the trashcan once again is placed near the hand heater. 

He glances at the door, counting in his head to ten before he nods to himself and climbs up the trashcan, balancing on his knees as he grips on the hand heater. He steadies himself before he places one hand under the sensor to switch the heater on. 

Then, he tilted his hips upwards to direct his crotch to the air and concentrates once more to not scald his prick. He swings his hips up and down, backwards and inwards, humming under his breath. 

Just as his jeans is finally drying and it only needs a few more minutes, the door to the loo opens and Merlin freezes. Merlin didn’t dare to look over his shoulders, not yet, and takes in a deep breath. 

And then, he glances at the door and—his eyes widens. 

“Mr Blondie Blond!” Merlin exclaims. 

Mr Blondie Blond for his part has a blank face on again, and he didn’t even say anything this time, simply turning around to exit the loo. 

_No_!

Merlin cannot let him leave!

Not this time!

Not like this _again_!

Screaming internally, Merlin pushes himself away from the heater, landing on his feet while the trashcan slams on the ground. This surprises Mr Blondie Blond as he stills, looking at the trashcan before his eyes—oh _God_ , he has such _beautiful_ blue eyes—lands on Merlin. 

He has this indecorous look on his face and Merlin could see his brain working. Then, he just looks at Merlin like he’s seeing a madman. 

Fair enough. Merlin thinks he’s a madman too. 

What with the world trying to bury him six feet under because of humiliation and all that. 

Merlin quickly stumbles towards Mr Blondie Blond, hands stretching out and fingers waggling as he licks his lips in concentration. He remembers Will telling him he looks like a mentally ill baby whenever he does that look of concentration. 

He glances at Mr Blondie Blond and sees the confusion on his face like he can’t believe he’s staring at this— _creature_. Yeap, Merlin will give Will this point at least. 

But alas, that’s not the plan right now. 

The plan is to stop Mr Blondie Blond and make him see that Merlin is absolutely _normal_. Normal as rain. Normal as candies. _Normal_ as normal is _supposed_ to be. Normal as anything happy and fluffy and rainbow-ish in the world. 

_Not_ a homicidal maniac like he’s looking like right now. 

Nope. 

He’s  _normal_ . 

**_Make. Blondie. Understand_**.

Then, he manages to grasp Mr Blondie Blond’s jumper, burying his fingers into his arm. Merlin feels everything around him stop, like how in the movies are. Like how when the heroine is saved by the hero holding on her waist and stares into her eyes and time stops. Or like how the heroine when she touches the hero’s arm for the first time after she trips and almost falls and he’s just right there like the prince he’s supposed to be and everything stills.

Merlin feels like the heroine right now. 

His mind is overloading from the only thought in his mind. 

He's internally squealing in high pitch. 

Repeating in his head: _I’m_ touching Mr Blondie Blond’s arm. I’m _touching_ Mr Blondie Blond’s arm. I’m touching _Mr Blondie Blond’s_ arm. I’m touching Mr Blondie Blond’s _arm_. _Me_. _Mr Blondie Blond’s_. **Arm**. Wow. Wow. Mind. Blown. Woah. So _strong_. So _warm_. 

Oh wow, Merlin thinks. He has such a strong arm. 

Merlin couldn’t resist the urge to squeeze the arm and so he did. 

_Wow_. 

Merlin is awestruck. Seriously, he’s in _love_.

Merlin feels the muscles underneath the soft jumper material. 

“Wow,” Merlin breathes out, his cheeks flush as he thinks about the strength hidden in the arms. Oh, Merlin _loves_ a man with strength. He could almost imagine himself being manhandled with these arms secured on his waist. He would let Mr Blondie Blond hold him down with these firm arms. 

Lost in his daydreams, he almost drools.

“What. The. _Fuck_. Are. You. _Doing_?” Mr Blondie Blond’s voice cuts through his daydreams and Merlin jolts up, gripping on the arm tight. 

Mr Blondie Blond though snatches his arm away and pushes Merlin off with a hand on his shoulder. Merlin almost trips and falls flat on his arse. 

Merlin is right!

Mr Blondie Blond possesses some big strengths there. 

It sends a delicious shiver down his spine. 

_Ah_. 

When he looks at Mr Blondie Blond though, he realises that the man now has a murderous look on his face. 

Yikes!

Merlin gulps as he straightens himself up. But—he couldn’t help but to think that even with that look of murder on his face, he still looks hot. 

“This isn’t what it looks like!” Merlin yells when he remembers the reason he stopped Mr Blondie Blond from leaving. His voice echoes in the loo as Mr Blondie Blond continues to stare at him. Merlin sees from the corner of his eyes that Mr Blondie Blond’s fingers are twitching. 

Merlin decides, hot or not, it’s better for the sake of his life if he inches a step away. 

He does. 

Mr Blondie Blond notices it. 

And scowls. 

Merlin takes in a deep breath before he points to his crotch. “You see, the tap from Hell wetted my jeans so I needed to dry them. Hence, I went to the hand dryer, blower, heater, and tried drying it. I am in no way attracted to the hand heater nor do I want to have sex with it. Hope we’re clear on that.”

Mr Blondie Blond lost the look of murder on his face, the blank look was back. Merlin blinks at him, silence stretches on as he waits for Mr Blondie Blond to respond. 

What Mr Blondie Blond did is actually turn away and marches right out of the loo. 

Merlin blinks again. 

Wait. 

_No_!

Merlin immediately rushes out of the loo and spots Mr Blondie Blond walking away. He goes back into the loo and snatches his bag before he goes out running after the man. 

“Mr Blondie Blond!” Merlin yells for him. “Mr Blondie Blond! _Please_! You need to understand that I don’t want to have sex with the hand heater! I promise! I’m not a pervert!”

Mr Blondie Blond seems to be running now. 

No matter. 

Merlin, despite his lanky limbs, can run like mad when he wants to. 

So, he does. He dashes after Mr Blondie Blond before he finally catches up to him and—

“Wait! Please! I need to explain!” he says and when Mr Blondie Blond isn’t slowing down, he launches at Mr Blondie Blond and catches his legs. 

He wraps his arms around the man’s ankles and Mr Blondie Blond yelps before he goes down to the ground. 

Merlin watches as Mr Blondie Blond falls flat on his front on the cold marbled floor. 

Merlin holds his breath. 

Merlin rhythmically squeezes on Mr Blondie Blond’s ankles as he waits for him to move. 

Mr Blondie Blond doesn’t move. 

Merlin scrambles to sit and crawls to Mr Blondie Blond’s side. 

He stares at the unmoving body. 

He realises that he’s attracting a crowd but he isn’t bothered by them. 

He blinks as he slowly raises a finger and pokes Mr Blondie Blond’s shoulder. 

_Poke._

_Poke._

_Poke_. 

“Mr Blondie Blond?” Merlin speaks, almost whispers. 

“Is he…dead?” one of the people in the crowd asks. 

Merlin looks at the person before he looks back at Mr Blondie Blond, heart racing in his chest. 

No, he can’t be dead.

There’s no way Merlin became an accidental murderer. 

There’s no way!

Desperately, Merlin began poking Mr Blondie Blond’s shoulder harder. 

“Mr Blondie Blond!” Merlin said, breath catching in his throat as panic embeds in his mind the longer Mr Blondie Blond isn’t responding. 

_Poke_. _Pokepokepokepokepokepokepokepoke_ —

**No. Response**. 

_Oh no. Ohnoohnoohnohnoohnoohnoohno_!

He isn’t a murderer!

He knows that he looks like one but he doesn’t actually have the urge to kill!

Especially not the handsomest man alive!

He hasn’t even gotten a chance to seduce the man yet!

Merlin cannot end up in jail!

Will will _never_ let this down!

Merlin stops poking Mr Blondie Blond and is now in fact furiously thinking of ways he could bury Mr Blondie Blond’s corpse and escape. 

Maybe he can drag the body to the woods. 

Or maybe chop him up? Hide his body parts?

Oh God, Merlin has to turn into a cannibal!

He feels nauseous. He’s turning green. But he cannot sully the crime scene. 

He will have to live with it. He has to fake his death and drag Mr Blondie Blond’s body to the woods where he will rent a cabin then chop his body parts up and eat them for breakfast, lunch and dinner as well as for snacks. He’ll change his name and have plastic surgery to change how he looks. He also has to bribe Will into keeping his secret because Lord knows Will will find out whether Merlin wants him to or not. 

Will’s nosey like that.

He has to rob a bank though to get that amount of money for all of that but that’s fine. 

He’s already a murderer. 

He can afford to commit another crime. 

Now, he needs to find a way to get rid of the witnesses. 

Just as he’s thinking of maybe poisoning each and every one of them or maybe pulling off a Dracula with luring them into a dark corner and drinking their bloods he hears a—

_Groan_. 

Merlin freezes when he sees Mr Blondie Blond making weird noises. 

Merlin stares at him for a while before he pokes Mr Blondie Blond. Mr Blondie Blond makes another loud groan. 

“ _Hoo_ ray!” Merlin exclaims. “He’s alive!”

He hears a distant ‘ _Weirdo_ ’ in the crowd but he ignores them. 

What do they know?

They haven’t almost murdered someone, have they?

Merlin has. 

Maybe he can add that to his resume. 

Almost murders the handsomest man alive. 

Hm. Probably not. He has a feeling he’ll end up in an asylum and not for a job. 

Mr Blondie Blond struggles to push himself up and Merlin helps, snapping out of his thoughts. He pushes Mr Blondie Blond on his back, gasping loudly when he sees blood on his face. 

Oh. 

Oh _no_.

Mr Blondie Blond’s nose seems to be broken! 

“Oh God,” Merlin says. He feels nauseous. Oh God, he _hates_ blood. 

Maybe he should hold off the cannibal plan.

How can he not know he hates blood until now?

Mr Blondie Blond is making him realise a lot of things. 

Merlin feels like they’re meant to be. 

“What…?” Mr Blondie Blond groans and speaks at the same time, eyes struggling to open before he raises a hand to touch his face. “My…nose.”

He sounds nasally. It’s almost funny if not for the fact he has a fucking broken nose. 

“Mr Blondie Blond!” Merlin exclaims. “Your nose is broken!”

Mr Blondie Blond looks at him—his blues eyes clouded in pain—and then they sharpened into rage and murder and wow—that’s a lot of anger. 

_Lots_ of it. 

Especially judging by the fact that Mr Blondie Blond struggles to sit up and once he does, he wraps his fingers around Merlin’s throat. 

Merlin squawks and bats the hands away, breathing harshly. 

Mr Blondie Blond is clearly in pain but he’s also looking ready to punch something and Merlin has a feeling that it’s him. 

He feels a bit sad at that. 

“Uh,” Merlin says after a while. “Maybe you should get your nose checked out?”

Mr Blondie Blond makes a weird dark guttural sound at the back of his throat. Merlin slinks back a bit, just in case. 

“ _Why_ the _fuck_ did you do that?” Mr Blondie Blond mutters as he struggles to stand up. Merlin helps him up, putting his life on the line when he’s glared at the minute he steps closer. 

Mr Blondie Blond, once he stands up with Merlin touching his elbows, grabs Merlin’s shirt collar and drags him close. 

Merlin shouldn’t be finding this hot when his life is literally on the line. 

“Mr—Mr Blondie Blond,” Merlin stutters. “Come on now. Murdering someone is a crime you know. Haha…Okay, you look like you don’t care. Please! I’m sorry!” Merlin closes his eyes shut, terrified as he bit his bottom lip and braces himself for a punch. “I was just trying to explain to you what you saw in the loo. I couldn’t let you leave without explaining myself. I’m so sorry!”

Merlin knows he’s shaking a bit. He even feels tears gathering in his eyes. 

“Please,” Merlin whimpers quietly. 

A few minutes later, Merlin opens his eyes when he feels no impact of a fist and instead finds Mr Blondie Blond staring at him with the same blank look  he had on his face back at the loo. 

“Mr Blondie Blond?” Merlin asks, knowing his tears are threatening to fall and his bottom lip is wobbling. Mr Blondie Blond sighs and shoves Merlin away. 

Merlin wipes his eyes using the back of his hands, rubbing them a bit before he sees Mr Blondie Blond pushing past the crowd and limping away. 

Now, Merlin feels guilty. 

But he isn’t brave enough to go after the man. 

Not after nearly killing him. 

He sighs. 

The crowd disperses, some whispering and great—Merlin is sure there’s going to be another rumour. 

Merlin walks away, dejected. 

Like always—Will only laughs in his face when he listens to Merlin tell him about it. 

“Will you _stop_ laughing at me!” Merlin whines, hugging the pillow to his chest as he sits on the sofa. 

Will continues to wheeze. 

“Mate,” Will breathes out after laughing for twenty minutes straight. “I love your life.”

Merlin stares at him, deadpanned. 

“I hate you,” Merlin whispers with vengeance. 

Will only cracks a grin. “Your life is my source of entertainment, Merlin. You live to make me laugh.”

Merlin’s only response is slamming the pillow at Will’s face, smirking in satisfaction when Will goes toppling off the armchair and lands on the ground with a yelp. 

And just like Merlin predicted, when he goes to uni the next day; he’s now called ‘The Blond Murderer’ with a flying warning of ‘All male blonds, stay away from the man who likes to have sex with the hand heater in the men’s loo on the first floor. He’s dangerous. If you see him, run as far as you can. Stay safe and wear a hat to hide your hair.’

Merlin decides to never go back to the men’s loo again. 

Fucking arsehole of a tap. 

It ruined his life!

Mr Blondie Blond is _never_ going to forgive him after almost dying and thus won’t _ever_ see Merlin in his full charm and will _never_ want to go out with him and will _never_ want to have romantic getaways and be his King and marry him and have 3.4 kids with him with a pet dog named Gecko and a cat named Elsie. 

Merlin mourns for his life. 

Merlin mourns for everything. 

Seriously, he’s going to torch the loo down the first chance he gets. 

As he works his usual shift in the cafe, he deals with weird stares again, only this time, he sees male blonds eyeing him with extreme wariness. Some even have tasers in their hands. 

_Seriously_?

Then, he sees Mr Blondie Blond again. 

He enters the cafe, his nose is a bit swollen but it didn’t look as horrible as yesterday. 

And he’s waiting in line. 

And Merlin?

He _panics_. 

And when Mr Blondie Blond finally steps up to the counter, he can see the blond staring right into his soul with blank eyes. His lips thin. His shoulders tense. 

Merlin only grins at him. That awkward painful grin. 

That grin that Merlin knows, without having Will to tell him, makes him look like he’s one foot away from throwing himself off a building while laughing maniacally like the crazy person he is. 

Mr Blondie Blond continues to stare at him before he sighs and shakes his head. 

“Coffee. Black,” he says, his voice flat and still nasally. 

Merlin nods. 

He hesitates for a second before punching in his order and goes to pour the black coffee in a cup. Then, he places it on the counter. 

“Uh,” Merlin says. “I’m sorry about yesterday, Mr Blondie Blond.”

Mr Blondie Blond simply raises an eyebrow as he pays for the coffee and walks away to sit at one of the tables. 

Merlin bites his lips. 

God, he looks so handsome even when he’s sitting there and staring at nothing. 

And Merlin almost got rid of this wonderful bright light from this world. He should feel ashamed of himself. And oh, he did. 

“Uh, excuse me?” a customer says, catching Merlin’s attention. “Can I order now?”

“Yes!” Merlin says, eyeing Mr Blondie Blond one last time before he deals with the last customer. Then, he’s free and he stares at Mr Blondie Blond before he looks at the biscuits at the display shelves. 

He takes a few and places them in a plate before he walks to where Mr Blondie Blond is and shifts his weight from foot to the other as he places the plate in front of him. 

Mr Blondie Blond seems surprised as he looks up at Merlin. Then, he frowns. 

“Did you poison them?” Mr Blondie Blond asked, suspicion in his voice. 

Merlin blinks, tilting his head to the side a bit before he takes a seat in front of the man. The blond looks at him, narrowing his eyes. 

“What are you doing?” Mr Blondie Blond asked. 

“I feel bad,” Merlin says as he twiddles his thumbs. “So, have some biscuits!”

Mr Blondie Blond just continues to stare at him. “You’re weird as fuck,” Mr Blondie Blond said. 

Merlin beamed at him, taking that as a sign that he’s forgiven. “Thanks!”

“It’s…not a compliment,” Mr Blondie Blond says. He sounds less wary now and bit amused. 

“Oh, but it’s still nicer than the things I’ve been called all week!” Merlin said, chirping, a big bright smile on his face. 

Mr Blondie Blond gives him a blank face at that. 

Merlin swallows the nervous laugh itching to escape his throat. “So,” Merlin says. “I’m Merlin. Merlin Emrys. I’m a Masters student. Taking Masters in History.”

Mr Blondie Blond furrows his eyebrows, like he’s confused. 

“What?” Merlin asks. Has he said something wrong?

“I’m just wondering how the uni managed to let someone like you join their Masters’ program.” 

Merlin frowns. 

“I’m not an idiot,” Merlin groused. 

“Colour me surprised,” Mr Blondie Blond says, deadpanning. 

Merlin frowns deeper. “Don’t be mean. I was just starting to like you.”

“Is that before you mangled my nose or after?” Mr Blondie Blond said, voice dripping in sarcasm.

“Wow, you grudge, don’t you?” Merlin asks, a bit surprised. 

“Are you fucking _kidding_ me?” Mr Blondie Blond snaps. “You broke my nose, you weirdo! Of course I’m mad!”

Merlin shrugs. “And I said I was _sorry_. I even gave you biscuits!”

Mr Blondie Blond sighs, rubbing his forehead. “I’m leaving. Why am I even talking to you? I must be mad. Brain damaged from yesterday.” 

He mumbles to himself as he stands up. Merlin hurries to stand up as well. 

“Wait! You didn’t tell me your name! Or eat the biscuits!” Merlin says, slightly distressed. Mr Blondie Blond stops moving as he looks at Merlin before he rolls his eyes and tugs his bag on his shoulder. 

“Mr Blondie Blond!” Merlin says, almost whining as he watches him walk away, exiting the cafe without a second look. 

Merlin pouts as he slumps back down on the chair, dragging the plate of biscuits before munching on one of them. 

Oh well, he’ll let Mr Blondie Blond cool down a few days before giving him another peace offering. 

He can’t help but to once again curse the tap for everything that’s happening right now. 


	3. Have I Mentioned I Can’t Bake?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: I own nothing but the plot and the crackiness that comes with it~
> 
> A/N: Hey! This has been quite fun to write as well. It's I think the longest chapter I ever written for this story (even if this story only has 3 chapters including this one). I got a bit carried away. Anyway, I'm glad that many of you like this story and it makes me feel like a not-failure when it comes to humour! I hope you guys will like this chapter~ Thanks to those who have read, commented, subscribed, bookmarked and gave this story kudos. Let me know what you guys thought and until next chapter~! -Krystal

 

Merlin stares. 

And stares. 

And _stares_ some more. 

And continues to stare, hoping a deity will take pity on him and strike a lightning down on Will and burn the ever living shit out of him from where he’s standing. 

Will only clears his throat, hands busy juggling his bags and tries not to trip and fall flat on his face with the boxes around them. 

Merlin thinks he should trip and fall flat in the middle of the road. 

He can even help Will get to the middle of the road. 

And happily watch a truck run over Will as it drives by. 

_Seriously_. 

“I fucking hate you and I hope you die, you _fucker_ ,” Merlin hisses. Will gulps, a genuine look of fear on his face as he tightens his grip on his bags. Merlin hugs his bag to his chest as well, resisting the huge urge to slam the bag over and over on Will’s fucking face. 

“Merlin,” Will says, his voice weak. There’s a beginning of a whine somewhere but he stops short when Merlin shoots him another soul scorching glare. Will takes a deep breath. “Okay, look, I didn't think the landlord would actually kick us out!”

“ _Fuck_. _You_ ,” Merlin says. “You should have fucking shut up. But no, you have to get up in his face and be all alpha bear or something. Fuck you. Now we’re without a place to stay! I can’t go back and stay with my Mum, Will! You know how hard it was for me to leave! She’ll strap me down permanently this time and I’ll _forever_ be Mama’s boy.”

Will does not seem to love his life at the moment because he had the _audacity_ to casually point out, “You _are_ a Mama’s boy. You call her every morning and night. You even called her this morning!”

Merlin takes a step towards Will, watching with satisfaction when Will cowers. 

“Okay! Okay, would you stop being so mad at me?” Will says, a pout on his face. 

Merlin drops his bag on the pavement before he seethes, pointing around them where their stuffs are littered. “Will! He shoved us out of the flat and threw our stuffs into boxes and tossing it out! And it’s all _your_ fault!”

“Look, I have the right to defend myself when I’m being harassed!” Will exclaims. 

“Oh, shut up!” Merlin snaps. “You’re an idiot for marrying that milk carton and you know it! So, he found your marriage certificate to that thing. Big deal. Now, fix this mess and get me a place to sleep tonight or else I _will_ murder you where you stand!”

Will sulks. “If anything, I’m _Mr_ Expired Milk. Not Mrs.”

“ _Will_!”

“Alright! Sheesh, I guess this is the time I should tell you that I called someone and arranged us a place to stay already,” Will says. 

Merlin blinks at him. “Who and where?”

“My mate who I work with at the pub,” Will says. “Leon.”

“Uh…huh,” Merlin says, narrowing his eyes. Will shifts his eyes away. “Will.” 

Will sighs before he drops his bags on the ground as well, throwing his hands in the air. “Fine, fine, fine,” Will says. “So, remember the times I kept on disappearing?”

Merlin stares at him. “You did? When?”

Will frowns. “Fuck you, you didn’t even notice I was gone?”

Merlin scratches the back of his neck. “You were?”

Will blinks at him slowly. “I don’t know if I should be offended or not that you seem to not realise I’m not around much lately.”

“ _Well_ ,” Merlin says with a shrug. “You’re kinda of a nuisance when you’re around. So…”

Will kicks Merlin’s shin. Merlin yelps and brings his shin to cradle it, hissing in pain. “ _Ouch_!” Merlin says. Will smirks. 

“Anyway, ignoring the fact that my best mate in the entire world doesn’t even realise I’m missing most days,” Will says, sounding a bit petulant. Merlin rolls his eyes. He’ll have to buy a gift for Will later for that. 

He just has been so busy with uni. Coupled with the fact he has a job at the cafe, he’s rarely at home to notice Will disappearing. Still, he knows Will is slightly offended about that. 

“I was already looking for a new place for us to live,” Will says. “And I found one. Leon helped me out to rent the place. I was just waiting for a perfect time to tell you.”

Merlin is a bit startled at that revelation. “Why—did you go looking for a new place?” Then, the horror sinks in. “Oh God, are you going to leave me behind?”

“Fuck. You,” Will says. “Seriously. You think I’ll dump you like that? Is that what you think of me?”

Merlin huffs a breath. “You’ve always been a bit of a bully…”

“ _Merlin_!” Will exclaims, eyes wide. Merlin feels guilty then and opens his mouth to apologise when Will continues, “It’s not _my_ fault your whole life’s a gag!”

Merlin closes his mouth and glares at him. Will grins before he clears his throat. 

“No, I don’t like our sleazy motherfucker of a landlord, that’s why,” Will says. “So, I found us a new place! See? I’m a great friend!”

Merlin concedes to the fact that their landlord _is_ a bit sketchy. He specifically has some kind of interest in Will. Merlin has walked in on the landlord trying to peek into Will’s bedroom door through the keyhole once and when Merlin had asked what he was trying to do, the chubby man said he was there to collect rent. Merlin knew that was a lie. 

Nobody collects rent by peeping into their tenant’s bedroom through a keyhole. 

Will has also been hit on by the late-thirties man a few times, despite Will shoving the man out of their flat with a broomstick often times.

Merlin sometimes wonders if the man suffers from some kind of brain damage—maybe he was dropped when he was a baby. 

Suffice to say, Merlin’s as uncomfortable as Will with the landlord. 

“I just didn’t think he’ll actually snoop into your room,” Merlin hums, now a bit amused as he lets what happened settle in his brain. Will scowls. “He’s so determined to find out if you’re unattached.”

“He’s a pervert,” Will snaps. “This isn’t funny, Merlin! He could have found—… _you know_.”

Merlin stops chuckling for a second before realisation dawns on him. Will blushes and looks away and Merlin ends up cackling louder, knees buckling as he falls to the pavement. He’s on the ground, trying to catch his breath but one more look at Will’s offended face and Merlin’s gone again. 

“This. _Isn’t_. Funny!” Will exclaims, hands flailing around. 

“It so is!” Merlin gasps for breath in between laughter. “Will—you—you kept the Expired Milk Carton!”

Yes, it warrants the capitalisation in such a way. It’s Will’s spouse! 

Will only growls. 

“ _Shut_ the _fuck_ up,” Will grumbles. 

Merlin laughs a few more minutes before he finally relents and breathes in gulps of air. He then sits on the pavement, looking up at his best friend, who’s now sulking with his arms crossed against his chest. Merlin cracks an amused and fond grin at that. 

“I thought you threw away the milk carton,” Merlin says. Will clears his throat, eyeing Merlin from the corner of his eyes. 

“Yes, well,” Will says. Then, he adds in a quiet murmur, “I got attached to it.”

Merlin bites his lips from laughing again and takes in a few more shuddering breaths. “Okay, I’m done,” Merlin assures Will as he stands up, patting his jeans before he bends down to grab his bag. “So, let’s go to our new place then.”

Will’s still red in the face but he took the opportunity to move past this quite quickly. He grabs his own bags, as many as he can and then pauses. “I think we’ll need help,” Will says. “I’ll call Leon and see if he can pick us up.”

Merlin nods. Neither one of them have cars, and they can’t leave all of their stuff behind or drag it to the tube. It would be best if someone helps them. Besides, Merlin is quite interested in meeting this Leon person. Will has mentioned him a few times but whenever Merlin visits the pub Will works at, Leon is never around. 

He’s almost convinced Leon is Will’s imaginary friend. 

It wouldn’t be the first time. 

While Will calls for Leon, Merlin takes the time to look at the building that was once his flat, his home with Will for the past year. Merlin blinks, taken aback, when he spots their landlord—ex-landlord—staring at them from his window on the second floor. 

His beady grey eyes shifts to Will before they narrow on Merlin. 

Merlin sighs. 

Not to mention, the stubby man thinks Merlin is Will’s lover—which… _eww_. 

Not only is Will straight, or at least that’s what Will is adamant on being—Merlin thinks he’s probably at least a little attracted to milk cartons, like, he married one and kept that stupid thing around!—but Will is annoying and acts way like an overgrown man-child. 

Merlin likes some decorum and manliness and strength in his men, thanks. 

Will is the complete opposite. 

_Eww_ , **_no_**. 

But it kept the landlord from practically pouncing on Will whenever Merlin’s not around, so, Merlin tolerated it. 

Merlin hums. Now, at least, he doesn’t have to pretend. It’s great. Freeing. 

No more acting like Will’s boyfriend— _eww._

Merlin shudders. 

“Hey,” Will says, catching Merlin’s attention. “I’m not _that_ gross to be with, thanks.”

Merlin looks at him. Then, he says, “I was talking out loud, wasn’t I?”

Will raises an eyebrow at Merlin. 

Merlin scoffs. “So, is this Leon person coming?” 

Will rolls his eyes as he pockets his phone. “Yes, luckily for us, he’s around here.”

Merlin furrows his eyebrows. “Why is he around here?”

Will pinks a bit before he shrugs. “Why are you asking _me_ that?” he asks, defensively. 

Merlin narrows his eyes before he shrugs. “I’ll believe it when I see it.”

Will opens his mouth before he closes it. “Leon’s real, Merlin,” he deadpans. 

Merlin simply raises his eyebrows. 

Will scowls again. “Seriously, he’s real, he’s not Pepper,” Will says. 

Merlin sighs. “I miss Pepper though.”

Will frowns. “Merlin, you suck. I had Pepper when I was five!”

Merlin clears his throat before he points out, “Wrong. You created Pepper as your imaginary friend when you were thirteen, trying to make the girl you liked jealous so she’ll like you back. Which by the way, I remember telling you it won’t work. And guess what happened?”

“You’re a prick,” Will grouses. 

Merlin gives Will a charming grin. 

Will then adds, because he’s a jerk like that, “And that’s why Mr Blondie Blond will _never_ be yours.”

Suffice to say, when Leon came to pick them up, both sported bruises and split lips as they wrestled on the pavement like a bunch of children fighting over who has the right for the last candy in the jar, while people walked past them, giving them weird looks. Some even took videos and cheered them on. 

By the end of it all, the video of them fighting ends up trending.

 

***

 

_So_. Leon is **real**. 

Leon is a good looking man. He has messy hair and a neatly trimmed beard. He has strong shoulders and he seems to be friendly. When he smiles, it’s easy to talk to him. 

Leon is **_real_**. 

Merlin is still boggled about that, but he exaggerates just for show. 

Will huffs and puffs as he complains to Leon about Merlin. Leon simply introduces himself to Merlin, cracks an amused smile at Will before he tussles Will’s hair, chuckling when Will starts—for God’s sakes— _whining_. Merlin watches their interaction closely, noting that Leon’s smile widened into a grin and Will’s whine lessens into more complaining before he catches Merlin’s eyes and grows silent. 

“ _So_ ,” Merlin says as Leon drives them to this new place that Merlin has no idea of until an hour ago. To offer an olive branch to Will because no matter how annoying Will is, Merlin cannot live without him, and touches Will’s hand. Will automatically squeezes his hand back, a smile on his face indicating that everything is fine between them. 

“So?” Leon says, looking at Merlin from the rearview mirror. 

“You’re _Leon_ ,” Merlin says. Leon nods. “You’re the one who helped Will find us a new place to stay?”

Leon perks up at that. “Oh, yeap! My best friend lives in the same building and it’s affordable, the rent. I usually crash at his place if I’m too tired from work and that’s almost always, so I heard that his neighbour is moving out. I helped Will meet the landlady immediately.”

“It’s a very nice place, Merlin,” Will says. “It’s quite big too.”

Merlin chews his bottom lip, calculating in his head how much money he has left in his bank. Knowing Will, despite his good intentions, usually costed a lot of money when he wanted to do something for Merlin. Merlin winces when he realises he only has less than a hundred pounds in his bank. 

Talk about being broke by its definition. 

“Are you sure it’s cheap?” Merlin asks, earning a dirty look from Will and an assuring smile from Leon. Merlin widens his eyes and looks at Will mouthing the words ‘ _What?_ ’. Will simply snorts before he pats Leon’s shoulder. 

“I trust Leon,” Will says. “You should too. He’s my mate, so he’s by default yours too.”

Merlin blinks because he has _never_ heard of that before. 

“ _Right_ ,” Merlin drawls but he promises to grill Will about Leon when they settle in their new place. Until then, he can’t do anything but throw enquiring and knowing looks at Will, watching with a smirk as Will turns steadily red and Leon looking more and more worried every time he looks at Will and sees him distressing. 

When they reach the building, Merlin lets himself have a small panic attack because holy heck—that building is nothing short but fancy. _Posh_. He feels his blood run cold because there’s no way they could afford to live here. 

Will, however, leaves Merlin behind as he drags his bags and boxes with Leon helping and follows him like a lost puppy. Merlin feels his lips twitch, in a weird spasm way that could be misinterpreted the urge to murder someone, but really, he’s just struck in a spot, trying to let it all sink in his mind. 

Merlin only starts to move when he realises there’s some people staring at him, weird looks on their faces.

Scurrying to the elevator, he stares at the floor buttons, blinking at the numbers. 

_Oh. God._

He doesn’t know which floor they’re at. 

Merlin takes out his phone and just as he’s about to press on Will’s contact number, someone barges into the elevator the second the doors start to slide close. Merlin jolts backwards as he watches the hands pry open the elevator doors, like Hulk, and Merlin’s eyes widen when he sees—

“ _Mr Blondie Blond_!” Merlin exclaims, excited. 

Mr Blondie Blond stops moving, staring at Merlin, his hands still pushing the elevator doors apart. 

The blond continues to stare at him for a while until the elevator makes an alarming beeping sound, causing Mr Blondie Blond man to walk into the elevator. He eyes Merlin, his lips thin and his shoulders tense, as he cautiously pressed his floor button. 

Merlin notes that he’s living on the fourth floor. 

“Hi!” Merlin says, rocking on the heels of his feet. He earns a dirty look from Mr Blondie Blond. 

“What the hell are you doing here?” Mr Blondie Blond asks. 

Merlin lets his eyes roam down Mr Blondie Blond’s body, noting that he’s wearing a pair of black skinny jeans with a tight blue shirt. He’s wearing a lighter blue hoodie over it. 

He looks _good_. 

Handsome. 

Merlin feels his heart skip a beat. 

Mr Blondie Blond looks _so_ good. 

He couldn’t help but to stare at him. Even if the blue eyes that are staring right back at him filled with annoyance. 

“I asked you a question,” Mr Blondie Blond says. “Are you going to answer me?”

Merlin blinks, taking a step towards Mr Blondie Blond, who in return gives him a scorching glare that stops Merlin from moving any closer. 

“Your nose looks better today!” Merlin says, his hands lifting to touch the blond’s nose, only for Mr Blondie Blond to take a step back. 

Mr Blondie Blond frowns. 

“Did you stalk me?” Mr Blondie Blond asks. 

Merlin shakes his head, looking at him earnestly. “I live here now! Do you live here too?”

Mr Blondie Blond opens his mouth but closes it when the elevator doors open. He didn’t even give Merlin another glance as he walks out of the elevator. A bit alarmed that Mr Blondie Blond has left, Merlin steps out of the elevator as well, walking behind him. 

Mr Blondie Blond glances over his shoulder and stops before he turns around. 

“What the fuck? Are you following me?” he demands. 

Merlin tilts his head to the side a bit, smiling brightly. “You didn’t answer my question.”

Mr Blondie Blond looks wary. “So, you’re going to keep following me until I answer?”

Merlin shrugs. “I guess.”

Mr Blondie Blond shakes his head as he runs his hand through his already messy hair. “God, you’re a madman, aren’t you? Do I need to get a restraining order?”

Merlin grows even more alarmed at that, panic embeds in his mind as he shakes his head and places his palm towards Mr Blondie Blond. “No! I’m a perfectly normal person! Don’t restrain me!”

Merlin hesitates as what he says settles into his mind before he turns red. 

_Well_. 

He doesn’t mind being restrained if it’s by Mr Blondie Blond though. 

Okay, stop, before Mr Blondie Blond continues to look at him even more cautiously. 

“ _Oookkaay_ ,” Mr Blondie Blond said, shaking his head. “ _Goodbye_.”

Merlin watches as Mr Blondie Blond leaves before he stops four doors away from where Merlin is standing. He bites his bottom lip as he slowly walks to Mr Blondie Blond’s door. 

The blond didn’t see him so he shut the door close in front of Merlin’s face. 

Merlin pouted. 

He shifts his weight from one foot to the next, before he raises his hand and knocks on the door. 

He knocks three times before the door swings open and Mr Blondie Blond is there, raising his eyebrows at him with an unimpressed look on his face. 

“What?” the blond asks. 

Merlin shrugs. “I, uh,” Merlin begins and then stops. “Hi.”

Mr Blondie Blond blinks at him, a bit surprised. He narrows his eyes at Merlin before he blows a breath, his fringe flops upwards for a bit before falling down. Merlin is mesmerised by that. 

He always envied people who could do that. 

When Merlin tries to do all that cool blow-your-hair-upwards, it always comes off as blow-your-hair-into-a-bird’s-nest. Not that Merlin’s hair could get any messier. 

Will said his hair is so messy, a bird might actually mistaken it as its home and lay eggs in it. 

Merlin would like to say that Will is wrong—but—

Merlin actually had a bird perching on his head once. It almost poked a hole in his skull. 

“Can I… _help_ you?” Mr Blondie Blond asks as he snaps a finger in front of Merlin’s face. 

“ _Huh_?” Merlin asks, pulling away from his thoughts. 

Mr Blondie Blond looks a bit amused, his lips twitching upwards in a smirk. “Wow, you get distracted a lot, huh?”

Merlin nods, not even bothering to deny it. “I get lost in my thoughts a lot.”

“Yeah,” the blond said, eyeing him for a while. “Well, if you don’t want anything, go away.”

Mr Blondie Blond is about to close the door when Merlin places a hand on it and stops him from doing so. 

“What now?” Mr Blondie Blond asks. 

“Just,” Merlin begins and bites his bottom lip. “I don’t know which floor I’m supposed to be at.”

Mr Blondie Blond tilts his head to the side a bit. “And…?”

“And!” Merlin says, cheeks puffing. “Help me?” he says at last, a bit weak and high-pitched. 

Mr Blondie Blond sighs. “Can’t you like call someone and ask?”

Merlin opens his mouth and then closes it. He has completely forgotten about that option. 

His eyes shines as he looks at Mr Blondie Blond in awe. 

“You’re so smart, Mr Blondie Blond!” Merlin exclaims, giving the man a bright smile. 

Mr Blondie Blond furrows his eyebrows. “Right,” he drawls. “And you’re really weird, has anyone ever told you that?”

Merlin fishes out his phone and dials Will’s number. “Yeap!” Merlin says, beaming at Mr Blondie Blond. 

Mr Blondie Blond hovers at the door for a second before he nods once sharply. “Right, goodbye then,” he says and Merlin feels a bit disappointed that he has to say goodbye to the blond soon. 

But then Will picks up and Merlin realises he can always come and see Mr Blondie Blond later. Maybe tonight. 

“Where are you, mate?” Will asks as he picks up on the third ring. 

Merlin waves at Mr Blondie Blond. “Bye, Mr Blondie Blond!” And he trots off, a smile on his face, feeling at least a bit accomplished that he managed to talk to him. He hears a distant ‘Bye’ as the door slams shut behind him. Merlin shrugs. 

He’ll have to find some excuse to talk to Mr Blondie Blond but it’s fine. Now he knows where he lives.

“Mr Blondie Blond?” Will asks. “Wait, the lad’s here?”

“Yeah!” Merlin gushes as he presses on the elevator button. “So, uh, which floor are we?”

“Oh,” Will says. “Fourth floor.”

Merlin freezes. “Fourth? Oh, I’m on that floor.”

“Great! I’ll come out of the flat then, wait,” Will says and Merlin turns around to look at the hallway. 

A door opens and Will comes out of the house, his phone pressed against his ear. Will spots him and waves. 

Merlin feels blood rushing to his face as he jogs to where Will is. 

Then, he points at the door next to where Will’s standing and shrieks, “Mr Blondie Blond lives here!”

Will pulls his phone away from his ear as he stares at Merlin before he follows Merlin’s hand. 

Then. 

He barks out laughing, _loud_. 

Merlin takes a wary step back and looks at Leon who came out of the flat, confused. 

Will continues to laugh, now on the ground, hands holding his body up. 

“Why are you laughing like that?” Merlin yells. 

Will gasps for air as he tries to speak. 

“Mr—Mr Blondie Blond— _Haha_ —He’s— _Oh my God—Haha_ —Mr Blondie Blond is _him_!” Will chokes out before he laughs again. 

“ _What_ …?” Merlin says, confused. 

Leon blinks, almost owlishly. 

Leon then bends down and pats on Will’s back. “Mate?” Leon says. “What’s going on?”

“R—Remember I told you about the lad who walked on Merlin trying to get sexy with the hand heater?” Will says, still gasping for air. Will ignores Merlin’s squawk of ‘I _wasn’t_ trying to get sexy with a hand heater, Will!’ and continues after Leon nods, “That man is apparently _Arthur_!”

“Arthur…,” Leon says and then his eyes snap to Merlin. “Oh God, _you’re_ the madman that tackled him to the ground and broke his nose!”

“I—It was an _accident_!” Merlin exclaims, embarrassed. 

Leon bites his lips, shaking his head. “Oh, wow, what a small world we live in!”

Will continues to laugh and Merlin wrings his hands together, shoulders hunching. “I’m trying to make it up to him!” Merlin wails then as he pushes past Leon and kicks Will to the floor, going off to whatever room he finds first and slams the door shut. 

Merlin cannot believe that Leon’s best friend is Mr Blondie Blond. 

Merlin slides down to the floor, his back against the door. 

_Arthur_. 

That’s the blond’s name. 

“Arthur,” Merlin tests the name out, smiling when he likes the way it curls on his tongue. “ _Arthur_. Arthur Arthur Arthur Arthur!” 

Merlin tampers down the urge to give a girlish squeal when his heart warms at how nice the name sounds. Arthur is such a classic posh name. It’s so—British.

 

***

 

Merlin only comes out of the room when Will says that he’ll let Merlin eat fried chips for the entire week without complaining about how unhealthy it is. 

Merlin still gives Will the stink eye as he settles on the floor in their living room, munching on said chips that Will ordered for them. 

“Mate,” Will says. Merlin nods at him, munching on another chip. “Mr Blondie Blond—is Arthur, right?”

“Well,” Merlin says. “Mr Blondie Blond is living next door and it seems to be Arthur, so…yes?”

Will clears his throat. “And you like him?”

“Yes!” Merlin says, smile bright. “He’s so good looking and he has such beautiful blue eyes. I used to like the colour green but that changed the minute I saw him. Even when he’s hurt, he looks handsome. And his arms, they’re so strong and I feel like I can be safe—”

“Merlin!” Will says, grimacing. “Yeah, no need to tell me in detail, mate. It’s just, don’t get your hopes up or anything.”

Merlin stops eating his chips. He frowns. “What do you mean?”

“I know Arthur,” Will says with a shrug. 

Merlin didn’t hesitate to throw the chips to the floor and grabs Will’s shoulders, shaking him back and forth as he says, “ _What_? _When_? _How_? _Where_? **_Will_**! How can you _not_ tell me you know him? What’s he like then? Are you really close friends with him? Do you know if he’s gay or single? Do you know what he likes in someone? Will—”

“Merlin, I’m going to grow _sick_!” Will exclaims as he pushes Merlin away. He clasps a hand over his mouth and hunches forward, looking green. Merlin’s too excited to care to be honest. 

“Will!” Merlin says, surging up to once again touch Will and his best friend slaps him away. 

“Yes, yes, I know him,” Will says, groaning a bit as he takes in a deep breath. “I know him through Leon.”

“Oh,” Merlin says and then waits for Will to continue. “Well?” Merlin demands when Will seems to be taking quite a while to regain his balance. 

“He has a girlfriend, Merlin,” Will says. “He’s not gay or bi. He’s straight. And he has a very beautiful girlfriend.”

Merlin blinks. 

Then, he frowns. 

“Really?” he asks, voice coming off almost as a whisper. 

Will sighs and nods. “So, don’t get your hopes up. He’s not available. And won’t be to you anyway even if he is.”

Merlin pouts. 

Of course, Arthur’s straight. He’s a good looking man, Merlin knew that it was too good to be true. 

“Fine,” Merlin grouses as he goes back to eating chips. Will eyes him. 

“Fine?” he asks. 

Merlin nods. He glances at Will and gives him an innocent look. “What?”

“You’re…fine with it?” Will says, slowly. He narrows his eyes at Merlin when Merlin shifts his eyes away and continues to munch on his chips. “Merlin. Don’t. Don’t do this.”

“Do what?” Merlin says. 

“This—you know what!” Will says as he swings his arms around like a crazy person. Merlin thinks Will should look at himself in the mirror before he calls anyone else mad. Will looks like one right now. Merlin cackles a bit, earning a slap from Will. 

“Ouch!” Merlin says, eyes wide as he rubs his cheek. “That hurts, Will!”

“Don’t go bothering him, okay?” Will pleads. “I know you get attached really fast but we don’t need your eccentrics-ness here, okay?”

Merlin pouts even more as he crosses his arms and stares at Will. “It’s not my fault our neighbours hate us back at our old place!”

Will blinks. “Merlin…you almost set their house on fire.”

Merlin opens his mouth to defend himself only for Will to cut in and add, “By trying to make biscuit treats for them as a peace offering after you accidentally broke their doorknob for the tenth time, yes, I heard you the millionth time. And that was just the _first_ month living there!”

Merlin closes his mouth and sulks. 

Will sighs and pats his shoulder. “I just think this time, save everyone the drama, yeah?”

“Fuck off, Mrs Expired Milk!” Merlin says. Will kicks Merlin and stomps away to throw his chips. 

What does Will know about love anyway?

What does he know about being starstruck seeing someone as handsome as Arthur?

Merlin hums and then decides he’ll show Will! 

He’ll show him!

He’ll show Will his drama!

Merlin gets up and walks to the front door, shoving his arms into his jacket. He walks out of the flat and makes it ten steps before he turns back around and walks inside. 

Will is already waiting for him at the front door, handing over his debit card. 

“Not more than forty pounds,” Will says. 

Merlin sticks out a tongue at him as he snatches the card and stomps away. 

“You look like an overgrown ugly baby with that face and you look like a mutated stick trying to learn how to walk when you stomp like that!” Will yells. 

Merlin gives him the middle finger.

 

***

 

Merlin— _almost_ sets the kitchen on fire. 

This is his eighth time baking the same recipe tonight. 

Merlin thinks it’s going fine. No fire yet. So. 

The kitchen counter is a mess of flour and batter and chocolate chips and broken glass and wood though. 

Merlin glances at the mess and then back at the cookbook he has purchased. 

He’ll clean it up all later before Will gets back home.

He bends down to look at the oven door and notices that the eight batter is turning out okay, at least. 

The oven then dings off and Merlin opens it too fast without oven gloves on. 

He hisses and pulls his hands away, tears gathering in his eyes as he sits on the floor and bites his wobbly bottom lip. His hands fucking hurt!

He tears up even more and sniffles. He then stands up and goes to the tap and almost wails at how painful his hands feel when the cold water hits his burnt palms. 

Merlin then pulls his hands away to look at them properly and notices that they’re red. They didn’t seem to be too red, but still. Merlin can feel his hands numbing too. Merlin wipes his tears away with the back of his hands and goes back to the oven. 

Merlin, with more tears in his eyes, grabs the oven mittens and bites back a whine as he uses his burnt hands now in proper protection to pull the hot tray of cupcakes from the oven and places it on the counter. Merlin then kicks the door of the oven close. 

He pulls off his gloves and went to plate the cupcakes on a plate and then, he rushes to the door. 

He knows it’s already late. 

It’s almost two in the morning and Will has left for work about two hours ago with a warning that if Merlin sets their new place on fire, he’ll kick Merlin where the sun doesn’t shine. That was after he almost tears Merlin’s hair out when he finds out Merlin has used about sixty pounds to buy baking supplies instead of forty. 

 

 

> _“I needed it, it’s essential!” Merlin had said, defending his stuff._
> 
> _Will only grabbed Merlin’s shirt before hissing out, “And why do you fucking need a fucking toy duck for baking, huh?”_
> 
> _Merlin then had the audacity to quip as innocently as he can, “So, Ducky can help you keep company in the bathroom since you’re always complaining you’re all alone.”_
> 
> _That earned him a hair pull so rough, Merlin thinks that’s actually unwarranted; like hello, Merlin’s just trying to help him with his problems and this is the thanks he gets?—a few hair strands got pulled off his scalp with Will yelling in his ear ‘That fucking duck is fifteen pounds!’._

Merlin opens the door and walks to the next door. He knocks on the door a few times before he whines at the pain in his hand and sniffs as more tears build in his eyes. When nobody answers, he tries one last time to knock—this time using his foot. 

After two loud thumps, the door swings open, revealing a tired looking Arthur with a pissed off look on his face. 

His eyes lands on Merlin and they narrow dangerously. 

Merlin though, through his blurry eyes because of the tears, stretches out his hands and shows him the plate of cupcakes he made. 

“Mr—Mr Blondie Blond,” Merlin says, his voice thick as he tries to hold back the pain in his hands. “I made you cupcakes.”

Arthur stares at Merlin for a while before he looks at the plate and then back at Merlin. 

“What?” Arthur says, his voice scratchy. “The _fuck_?”

Merlin sniffs again. “It hurts.”

“What?” Arthur says, sounding even more annoyed and confused. 

Merlin then harshly shoves the plate at Arthur, causing the blond man to grab onto it so it doesn’t crash to the ground. His eyes are wide as he stares at the plate.

“My hands hurt so badly!” Merlin says as he shows Arthur his palms, red and angry looking. Tears run down his face and his shoulders shook, making him look small. Arthur blinks a few more times. 

“What…?” Arthur says before he straightens up and moves to the side a bit to place the plate somewhere near the entrance of the door before he looks back at Merlin. He squints his eyes and sighs. “Your palms are a bit burnt.”

“I _know_!” Merlin wails. A sob catches in his throat. “It hurts so bad, Mr Blondie Blond! I tried baking cupcakes for you and thought you’d like them as an apology for the nose and I got too excited when they were done and burnt my hands and it hurts! _Help me_!”

Arthur sighs again, louder, running a hand down his face before he moves aside. “Just…come in,” Arthur says. Merlin sniffles as he shuffles into Arthur’s home. Arthur closes the door before he walks past Merlin to the one of the two bedrooms in this flat. 

Merlin forgets about the pain on his palms as he looks around the place, noting that it’s quite a cosy place. It’s as big, if not, a bit bigger than Merlin and Will’s flat but it still has a sense homeliness to it. It’s nice. 

It even smells nice. Like flowers. 

Arthur walks out of the bedroom, which Merlin assumes is his bedroom, carrying a white box and goes to sit on the couch. 

“Come here,” Arthur says. Merlin obeys him and sits next to Arthur. “Hold out your hand.”

Merlin does so, watching Arthur concentrating as he touches Merlin’s palm. 

Merlin winces when Arthur’s fingers graze on the slightly burnt parts. Arthur glances at him before he looks back down to his palm and wipes some ointment on them. 

Merlin can’t help but to relish at how warm Arthur’s hands are on his. 

He itches to hold Arthur’s hands but he doesn’t want to risk doing it. 

“There,” Arthur says once he’s done applying the ointment. Merlin can feel it working already. He gasps in awe. 

“Wow,” Merlin breathes out. “What did you do? It’s like magic!”

Merlin sniffs and wipes his face to get rid of the remaining tears. Arthur didn’t answer as he placed the ointment tube back in the first-aid kit. 

“Thanks,” Merlin says, sincere. Arthur looks at him from the corner of his eyes before he nods. 

“You’re welcome.”

After a moment of silence, Merlin breaks it with a grin. 

“So, the cupcakes!” Merlin says as he stands up, heading towards the front door where the plate is placed. 

“What are you doing?” Arthur asks as he follows Merlin. 

“Try it!” Merlin says, a proud smile on his face as he points to the plate of cupcakes. 

Arthur watches him warily. “Do you know what time it is, Merlin?”

Merlin beams at how lovely his name sounds from Arthur’s mouth. “You said my name.”

Arthur shakes his head. “Are you always like this?” he asks, but it comes out more amused than anything. 

“Well, yeah,” Merlin says with a shrug. “So, try it!”

“It’s almost two thirty in the morning,” Arthur deadpans. Merlin looks at him, wondering what time has to do with anything. Arthur groans in his throat. “Fine, whatever.” He then grabs a cupcake and munches on it after removing the wrapper. 

Merlin watches him while holding his breath. 

Arthur frowns. 

Merlin’s heart sinks in his chest and his smile falters. 

“Uhm,” Arthur says and coughs, grimacing. “Thanks.”

“Uhm,” Merlin echoes Arthur. “It tastes horrible, doesn’t it?”

“Yeah, god, I need water,” Arthur says and rushes to the kitchen. Merlin pouts and follows Arthur to the kitchen, watching the blond man throw the wrapper away into the trash bin and proceeds to drink a glass full of water. Arthur sighs as he ducks his head forward a bit, leaning against the counter. Then, he turns around to face Merlin. 

“Well,” Merlin drawls, shrugging. Nothing he can do about it. It seems he literally sucks at baking. Maybe he can try cooking next. “Next time.”

“Next…time?” Arthur questions, eyebrows raising. 

“Yeah, of course!” Merlin says, smiling. “I’m not giving up!”

Arthur remains silent as he stares at Merlin and then, Merlin sees him smiling. It isn’t a full smile, but it’s there. A quick quirk of his lips upwards and a flash of amusement in his eyes. 

“God, what is wrong with you?” Arthur says with a small chuckle. “Get out. I need to sleep. I have class tomorrow.”

“Oh,” Merlin says and then nods. “Of course. Beauty sleep and all! Alright, Mr Blondie Blond—”

“Stop,” Arthur says. “Calling me that.”

“Calling you…what?” Merlin asks. 

“That, Mr Blondie Blond,” Arthur says. “I don’t know why you’re calling me that.”

Merlin frowns. “I like it.” 

Arthur rolls his eyes. “But I don’t,” Arthur retorts. 

“Mr Blondie Blond—”

“ _Arthur_ ,” he stresses out to Merlin. “My name’s Arthur, not _that_.”

Merlin sucks his bottom lip in, contemplating before he says, “I like Mr Blondie Blond though.” 

Arthur sighs, his shoulders drooping. “Just…leave, I need to sleep,” Arthur says as he waves a hand. 

Merlin nods as he bounces out of the kitchen to the front door, Arthur following him. Once Merlin’s outside, he beams at Arthur and says, “Goodnight! Have sweet dreams!”

Arthur waves at Merlin and says, “Try not to burn your hand off.” 

With that, he closes the door. 

Merlin stands there for a while as he stares at Arthur’s door and then to his hands. He grins, giddy and feeling warm inside now that Arthur has nursed his hands back to health. Well, almost to health. 

Merlin walks back into his flat, wondering what else he could do for Arthur. 

At least for now, even if it’s a small victory, he got Arthur to care for him.


	4. Hey, Can I Hold Your Hand?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: I own nothing but the plot. 
> 
> A/N: Sorry for the late update guys! Like I said in Prat Prince, I was busy with my comic. I left the link in there if you guys are interested in that sort of stuff. Anyways, I hope this chapter is as funny as the rest~ It's also a bit more--fluffy towards the end? In a way, at least. Hope you guys like it! Thank you to those who have read, commented, subscribed, bookmarked and gave this story a kudos. Let me know what you think and until next time~! -Krystal

 

 

Will isn’t happy with Merlin.

“Will,” Merlin wails, hugging Will’s feet as his best friend tries to walk across the living room to his bedroom, ignoring him. “I’m sorry! Please stop ignoring me!”

Will continues to drag his feet, still ignoring the wailing brunet attached to his ankles. 

“Will,” Merlin continues, pouting when Will tries to aim a kick on Merlin’s face. He rolls out of the way just in time but Will takes the opportunity to hurry into his bedroom and close the door shut. “Will, I said I was sorry!”

“I told you not to mess with the kitchen!” Will yells as he opens his door to glare at Merlin. “And when I come home at five in the morning, _exhausted_ , I see you, sleeping on the kitchen floor, flour everywhere with traces of wood splatters! _How_ are there even _wood_ splatters, Merlin? I had to clean it all up!”

Merlin bites his bottom lip and sighs before he plops on the floor in a starfish. “I’m sorry,” he says, his voice quiet. “I didn’t mean to do it. I just wanted to bake an apology cupcake for Arthur.”

Will remains quiet for a second before he groans and stomps to where Merlin is and sits next to him. “Fine,” he grouses. Merlin looks at him and grins when Will rolls his eyes and lies down next to him. “But next time, you’re cleaning the mess up.”

“Thank you, Will!” Merlin beams as he rolls to hug Will sideways. Will half-heartedly pushes Merlin away before he gives up, letting Merlin to latch on him like an octopus. 

“So, how did the cupcake taste like?” Will asks, curious as he pats Merlin’s head. Merlin coos and leans his head on Will’s chest. “Did Arthur like it?”

“Oh,” Merlin says with a shrug. “He hates it.”

Will barks out laughing, causing Merlin to roll off him to pout. “It tastes like shit, didn’t it?” he guffaws. Merlin feels his face heating up but he refuses to relent to Will’s teasing. 

“No!” Merlin says. Will simply eyes him with an amused smile before Merlin breaks down sighing. “ _Yes_ ,” he whispers, looking away, his pout deepening. 

“Merlin,” Will says, his voice serious. “You know you can’t bake shit, right?”

Merlin growls and sits up, pointing a finger at Will. “Stop laughing at me! I will practise and show you I can do it!” 

Will widens his eyes as he scrambles to sit up before he grabs Merlin’s wrists in his hands. He squeezes the wrists before he says, “Merlin, I swear to God, if you take one step towards the oven, I will kick you out.”

“You wouldn’t dare!” Merlin exclaims. 

“Wanna try me?” Will says, a fake sunny smile on his face. Merlin snatches his wrists away and crosses his arms against his chest. 

“You’re the worst mate in the world!” Merlin says, dramatically tossing his head backwards before he looks back at his friend. He stares at Will for a minute before he grins, wide and scary. Will scoots backwards once, narrowing his eyes. 

“Why do you look like a maniac?” Will asks. “That’s _Crazy-Face-Number-20_ and I know nothing good will ever come out from that face!”

“Wait— _what_?” Merlin says, momentarily forgetting the reason he has his _I-Know-Something-You-Don’t-Face-Number-34_ on. “My face doesn’t look like a crazy face! It’s my ‘I Know Your Secret Face’!”

Will splutters, waving his hands around at Merlin’s direction. “How is that supposed to be your ‘I Know Your Secret Face’? You had a tongue sticking out making you look like a pedophile, mate.”

Merlin scowls. “Well—well,” Merlin says before he goes for the kill. “Well, you like Leon and you suck at keeping that a secret!”

Will pales. 

_A lot_. 

Merlin watches with amusement, _a lot_ of amusement, when Will opens his mouth and closes it a few times, growing paler each time. It was fascinating and very satisfying to witness. 

“N—No!” Will finally gets a word out but it sounds weak and hah, Merlin wins! Will knows this too when he growls and launches at the brunet. 

Merlin squawks and tries to get out of under Will but Will has pinned him down, his fingers wriggling in air in an intimidating manner.

This could only mean _one thing_. 

And Merlin will die than to let this happen again!

Too late.

Merlin screams. 

Twenty minutes later, Merlin curls up into a ball, tears running down his face and his cheeks hurting. Will looks satisfied with his revenge, patting Merlin’s cheek. Merlin slaps his hands away, rubbing his stomach as he sits up to glare at his friend. 

“There’s no need for tickling,” Merlin snaps. 

“Hey, can’t let you win,” Will says with a shrug. Merlin growls before he shakes his head and pokes a finger on Will’s cheek. Will bats the hand away, frowning as his face blooms red. 

“You’re just trying to dodge the question!” Merlin crows in delight when Will grows redder. “You _liiiikkkke_ Leon!”

“Shut up!” Will says and slaps Merlin’s face. 

_Hard_.

Like— _ouch!_

What the hell?

Merlin rubs his face, eyes wide and glassy before he wails and says, “I’m gonna tell Leon on you! Then we’ll see if he’ll ever go out with you!”

Will scrambles to sit up when Merlin rushes to the front door, grabbing the first jacket he sees hanging. 

“ _Oi_!” Will yells from behind him as Merlin opens the apartment door and runs out. “Come back here, you idiot! I will end you!”

“The secret’s out!” Merlin yells back, loudly. “Leon will know your true colour— _Oomph_!”

Merlin slams into a chest. He yelps and ends up recoiling a few feet before he trips and falls flat on his arse. He has tears in his eyes as he opens them, whining in pain on his bum and his cheek. Not to mention, Merlin thinks he has a broken nose now. 

Maybe Karma decides to let Merlin have a dose of his own medicine for what he had done to Arthur.

Why does life and everything with it hate Merlin’s guts?

“Oh,” a familiar voice says, surprised. Merlin looks up and freezes when he sees Arthur. 

He looks so good! He looks fancy with a black suit on and his blond hair gelled back. He’s frowning but there’s slight amusement playing in his pretty blue eyes. 

Merlin grins then, wide and his cheeks redden and his heart thumps loudly in his chest. “Hi,” he says with a wave. Arthur has his hands shoved in his black pants pockets, eyebrows raised. 

“Hi,” Arthur says, slowly. “Are you okay?”

“Fine!” Merlin says and makes no move to get up from the floor. “You’re looking handsome today!” 

Merlin watches as Arthur’s cheeks pinks a bit but there’s a confused amused smile on his face that sends Merlin’s heart racing even more. “Thanks,” Arthur says before he sighs and hands his hand out. Merlin eyes widens as he stares at the hand before he looks at Arthur. 

What should he do?

Should he touch the hand?

Why is Arthur holding his hand out?

Oh God, is this really happening?

Is Merlin dreaming?

Merlin bites his lips from squealing as he reaches to touch Arthur’s hand when—

“Fuck you, arsehole!” Will yells as he comes tumbling out of the apartment and on Merlin. Merlin squawks loudly as he lies on the floor with Will on him. “I will end you if you tell anything to Leon!”

Merlin blinks, dazed for a second before he looks past Will’s shoulders and notices that Arthur’s walking away. 

_No._

_No._

_No._

**_No_ ** _._

He’s so _close_. 

Merlin _almost_ touched him.

Without a second thought, Merlin tosses Will off him and gets up, rushing after Arthur. He hears Will spluttering in the background but he gives no toss about that hand-holding-moment-ruiner. 

“Wait! Wait!” Merlin says as Arthur stops to look over his shoulders. He furrows his eyebrows, cutely. Merlin takes in a sharp breath at that. He stops in front of Arthur and then smiles, sweetly. Arthur blinks before he frowns. 

“What?” Arthur asks as he continues walking to the elevator with Merlin on his heels. 

“Nothing,” Merlin says, knowing he cannot _actually_ ask Arthur to hold his hand. He _is_ weird. But he’s not _that_ weird. And besides, he’s trying to convince Arthur that he’s _normal_.

“Uh,” Arthur says, sounding perplexed. “Okay?”

“So, where are you going dressed all fancy?” Merlin asks, rolling his feet back and forth as he clasps his hands behind his back from trying to touch Arthur. Look, Arthur’s looking even more ripped in a body-tight suit, alright? 

Merlin’s only human. 

He really wants to touch Arthur and see if Arthur’s as strong as he predicts. 

“Somewhere,” Arthur says, walking into the elevator once the metal doors open. His voice is careful. Merlin hums and follows him inside, standing next to him. 

“Oh,” Merlin says as he tilts his head to the side. “But where?”

“Hm,” Arthur says. “Not going to tell you.” He glances at Merlin before he smiles. “Sorry.”

Merlin blinks, mesmerised and stunned at the smile. He internally squeals that he manages to make Arthur smile. Sure, it’s a small smile but it still is an accomplishment Merlin is willing to take credit for. 

“Oh,” Merlin says, still a bit in a daze. “Okay.”

Arthur nods once then he waves a hand towards Merlin. “What about your hands?”

“Oh, yeah, my hands,” Merlin says, sucking his bottom lip as he brings his hands to his face and then showing Arthur his palms. “It’s still a bit sore but it’s better! You’re a miracle worker!”

Arthur rolls his eyes. “Who even bakes at two in the morning?” 

“I actually started baking at midnight,” Merlin says as he continues sucking his bottom lip. He drops his hands to his sides. “It took me some time to get the recipe right.”

“ _Right_ ,” Arthur drawls, wincing, no doubt remembering the horrible taste. Merlin had tasted the batter after he came back from Arthur’s place and gagged for thirty minutes straight before he passed out on the kitchen floor from the exhaustion of gagging.

He pities Arthur’s tongue. 

He hopes he hasn’t accidentally killed some of his taste buds. 

“I’ll make something better!” Merlin promises, a bit desperately but hey, this is a hunk of a specimen. Who wouldn’t be desperate enough to get even a drop of his attention? Merlin certainly does. 

“You don’t have to,” Arthur mumbles as the elevator doors finally open. Merlin jogs next to him. 

“But I hurt your nose,” Merlin says with a small pout. Arthur didn’t acknowledge that as he walks to the receptionist. He requests for his car and then glances at Merlin before he frowns. 

“Why are you _still_ following me?” Arthur asks. 

“I,” Merlin begins and stops himself when Arthur gets a call. Arthur picks the call up and with a wave at Merlin, he walks away. Merlin sighs as he watches Arthur walking away but he knows he can’t follow him anymore and instead mourns at the loss of almost touching Arthur’s hand. 

Will will pay!

Merlin sulks for a while before Will arrives to the lobby and pulls Merlin by the ear. Merlin bats him away weakly before whining. “I could have held his hand, Will! If only you didn’t tackle me!”

“Merlin,” Will says and shakes his head. “Don’t. Don’t do this, alright? He’s taken and straight and never gonna be bent for you. So, don’t. _Enough_.”

Merlin tears up at that. He wipes his eyes and Will hugs him tight. 

“I really like him, Will,” Merlin whispers against his shoulder and Will nods. He runs his hand through Merlin’s hair. 

“I know,” Will says. “But he’s not for you, okay? He’s happy with his girlfriend. You shouldn’t pine over someone who won’t give you their time of the day.”

Merlin knows Will is right but he still wants Arthur. He still wants his smiles and laughs and shining blue eyes and golden blond hair. 

He wants _Arthur_. 

“Come on,” Will says as he pulls away and holds out his hand. “You can hold my hand and we can go to the pub to get something to drink.”

Merlin chuckles as he holds Will’s hand. “Okay,” Merlin concedes. “Can I have some chips?”

“You’re a fucking _child_ , I swear to God,” Will mumbles but he nods anyway. Merlin lets Will pull him as they walk to the nearest tube. 

But he can’t help but to wish it’s Arthur’s hand he’s holding.

It makes him feel sad.

 

***

 

Merlin watches Will interacting with Leon who’s working the noon shift in the pub today. Merlin munches on his chips as he sits at the bar, Will on the other side, laughing and grinning every time Leon says something. Some of the things Leon say aren’t even funny but Will laughs like they’re the funniest thing ever. 

It’s a little embarrassing.

And because Merlin’s a bitter old fool, he says, “That isn’t really funny, Will. You don’t need to hack out your lungs for that.”

Leon colours but he grins at Merlin sheepishly before he shuffles away to entertain another customer. Will, meanwhile, has coloured because of a different reason. He’s glaring daggers right through Merlin’s soul and he holds his cheeks in case Will decides to slap them again.

They still hurt from getting slapped before.

“Merlin, don’t be rude,” Will admonishes.

“It’s just,” Merlin says. “You’re projecting you like him so clearly, it’s painful to see.”

Will looks away, rubbing the back of his neck before he glances at Merlin. “Really?”

Merlin blinks, letting the words sink in his mind before he crows and stands, pointing a finger at Will’s face. “I knew it!” Merlin exclaims, earning a handful of chips shoved in his mouth. Merlin coughs and manages to munch and swallow the chips without dying and glares at Will. 

“Don’t yell it out, mate,” Will says with a whine. “I’m—not even sure if I really like him.”

Merlin raises his eyebrows. “Why not?”

“I’m not gay!” Will hisses, leaning close.

“What about him?” Merlin asks as he points at Leon, earning a smack on his hand. Merlin hisses and rubs his hand. 

“Stop pointing. It’s rude,” Will says. 

“You sound like Mum,” Merlin says and then narrows his eyes. “You haven’t been talking to her behind my back, have you?”

Will rolls his eyes and draws a cross on his heart. “No, not since Cenred.”

Merlin frowns at the mention of his ex-boyfriend. “I thought we agreed to never bring that name up again?” Merlin grouses as he sits back down on his stool and picks on his chips. 

“Sorry,” Will says, sincerely sounding sorry this time. Merlin waves him off, not really that upset even if Cenred brings unpleasant memories to his mind. “For what it’s worth, he’s been a rubbish boyfriend.”

“He just wants,” Merlin begins, an automatic response of defending his ex-boyfriend and stops, because no, he has left that behind him a few months ago. “Yeah,” Merlin agrees at last, giving Will a weak smile. 

“I started to notice Leon differently about a month and a half ago,” Will says, words rushing out of his mouth as his face reddens. 

Merlin takes the blatant suggestion of topic change with gusto. “What made you look at him differently?” Merlin asks. 

“Nothing,” Will says with a shrug. He looks at Leon before a soft sigh, fond and quiet, escapes his lips. It makes Merlin’s heart ache a bit at the longing in his eyes. He places a hand on Will’s shoulder, squeezing.

“Do you think he likes you too?” Merlin asks. “I think he does.”

Will raises his eyebrows as he looks at him. “Really?”

“Yeah,” Merlin says as he points to himself. “Trust me, my gaydar has never been wrong.”

Will gives him a flat look. 

“Except for Arthur,” Merlin concedes with a pout. 

“I don’t know, mate,” Will says, at last. “We’ll see how it goes. Besides, I’m still so confused right now. We’ll see.”

“Take your time,” Merlin says and then pauses. “Actually, don’t take so much time in case Leon has other suitors. Who knows? Will, you might lose the chance to explore your straight-not-so-straight-after-all sexuality with the only man who made you bend-but-not-really.”

“Fuck you, seriously,” Will says as he raises his hand to slap Merlin. Merlin squeaks with a laugh as he dodges Will’s hand. 

“Nah, not interested in your dick,” Merlin says, pissing Will off even more. 

It’s fun to rile Will up.

 

***

 

Merlin walks home after dinner, leaving Will behind at the pub since his shift is about to start soon. He’s a bit buzzed but it’s fine, Merlin is still sober in the most important ways. He runs into a street lamp. 

He grumbles and rubs his forehead. 

Alright, so he isn’t completely sober like he had assured Will. 

Will has suggested Merlin to stay behind and go home with Will later after his shift ends but Merlin has always been a very good actor. He manages to convince Will he’s fine and left, no longer wanting to witness the mating dance between Leon and Will. 

He hasn’t done any mating himself for the past six months. He’s desperate but he can’t fathom anyone else but Arthur touching him now and it’s not like Merlin’s a one-night-stand kind of lad. 

His one-night-stand usually consists of his right hand and maybe if he’s feeling needy and adventurous, left hand will make an appearance. 

Merlin sighs. 

He continues to walk, one foot and then the next until he stops at the sidelines to cross the road. The tube is on the other side of the road. He squints his eyes and sees that the pedestrian traffic light is still red. 

Right. 

Red means stop.

Stop.

Merlin will stop. 

Then, the light turns green and Merlin grins, a bit dopey. He ponders for a second if he should really cross the road, wondering if a car will rush past him if he did. 

Knowing Merlin’s luck, that might happen.

Out of nowhere— _BAM_. 

And Merlin will end up in a ten-month coma before Will has to sign the consent form to pull the plug. Or maybe his Mum has to. 

Eh. 

Merlin shakes his head and takes a step forward, not realising the green light flashing a few times before it turns red. 

Merlin is about to take a second step, not realising that a car is driving right towards him when a strong hand grabs his arm and drags him back to the sidelines. 

Merlin winces and yelps in pain as his back crashes against a strong chest. 

“What the fuck are you trying to do, you idiot?” a voice yelled in his ears. Merlin whimpers and tries to pull away when he’s roughly turned around. Merlin looks at the person and realises it’s Arthur. 

His eyes are wide and there’s a deep look of worry in them. Merlin raises a hand to touch his face and drops his hand when he realises he can’t because Arthur isn’t his. He grins at Arthur but falters when Arthur shakes him.

“Are you…drunk?” Arthur asks in disbelief. “Why are you alone?”

“Uhm,” Merlin says and then shrugs. “I wanna go home.”

Arthur stares at him a little while longer and sighs, shaking his head as he runs a hand through his hair. 

“Hey,” Merlin whines. “Your hair is going to get messy.”

“You’re one weird person,” Arthur mumbles as he tugs Merlin, his hand still clamped on his arm. Merlin beams as he follows Arthur, relishing on the fact that Arthur is touching him and wow—he _is_ strong like Merlin predicts. 

Merlin stumbles a bit as Arthur strides quickly but he doesn’t tell Arthur to slow down. He just stares at Arthur’s back until Arthur pulls him to his side and unlocks his Porsche. 

It’s a beautiful car. 

“You must be rich,” Merlin says as he touches the car with one finger, awed. 

Arthur just points at the car and opens the passenger seat door. “Get in,” Arthur says. 

“What?” Merlin says, surprised, sobering up immediately. 

“Get in the car, idiot,” Arthur repeats, sounding exasperated. 

Oh. 

Oh.

Oh. Okay. 

Arthur wants him to get in his car. 

Okay.

Yes.

Yes.

**_Yes._ **

Merlin is _so_ down for that.

Merlin blinks and stares at the passenger seat, waiting for him like a throne. 

“Oh my God,” Merlin breathes out. “I’m so honoured.”

“What?” Arthur says and then shakes his head. “Never mind, just get in.”

Merlin startles a bit when Arthur grabs his shoulders and pushes him into the passenger seat before closing the door shut. Then, he walks around the car to get to the driver’s seat and gets in. 

He glances at Merlin and then groans a bit under his breath. He leans forward and Merlin holds his breath, feeling Arthur’s warmth washes over him and the scent of his perfume hitting his nose. Merlin’s breath hitches when Arthur stretches an arm behind Merlin and pulls down the seatbelt to click it over the brunet. 

“There,” Arthur breathes out, satisfied as he sits back in his seat and does the same to himself and starts the car before staring to drive. 

“Why,” Merlin begins. “Are you driving—with…me?”

Merlin scrunches his nose when he realises he made no sense.

What is grammar? 

No, nope. Grammar dies when Drunk-Merlin arrives. 

Hey, that rhymes. Merlin giggles. Arthur rolls his eyes. 

“How else are you supposed to get home without killing yourself?” Arthur asks, a frown on his face.

“Oh, the tube,” Merlin says, sinking into the soft seat as he lets himself get buzzed again. Arthur snorts. 

“Where’s your—uh—friend,” Arthur says. 

“Will?” Merlin mumbles, drowsy now that he feels safe and warm in Arthur’s car, surrounded in Arthur’s scent. Merlin likes his scent. It’s a pity he can’t date Arthur or else Merlin will never want to leave Arthur’s arms. “He’s working.”

“And you have no one else to take you home?” Arthur asks. 

Merlin gives him a weak smile. “Who else would want to be my friend? I’m weird!”

Merlin exclaims the last part, swinging his hands around and accidentally hits the window. He makes a pained noise and settles down, hugging his hand. Arthur hums under his breath. 

“Where did you go?” Merlin asks, still curious. Arthur sighs. 

“Why do you want to know so badly?” Arthur asks, amused a bit. 

“Just wanna know,” Merlin says with a yawn even if it’s barely nine at night. He feels exhausted. 

Arthur chuckles, his voice soft. “If you must know,” Arthur says. “I was with Gwen. She’s my girlfriend.”

Merlin frowns, his heart sinking in his chest. “Oh…a date?”

“Yeah,” Arthur says. When Merlin looks at him, he realises that Arthur’s smiling but it’s a different kind of smile, nothing like the one in the elevator. Merlin frowns deeper and closes his eyes. “And since I divulged in a private information that you had no business of knowing, it’s only fair for you to do the same so—what about you?”

“Me?” Merlin asks. 

“Yeah, any girlfriends?” Arthur asks. Merlin opens his eyes and opens his mouth to speak before he closes it. 

Arthur thinks he’s straight. 

Well. 

That hurts. 

Or _maybe_ —

“Maybe,” Merlin mumbles. Arthur hums, nodding. “Well, an ex.”

“Oh?” Arthur says. “Ex?”

There’s a hint of curiosity in his voice. Merlin shrugs. “It didn’t work out.”

“Sorry,” Arthur says but Merlin shakes his head. 

“It’s fine, it’s been six months,” Merlin says. “I’m over hi— _her_.”

Arthur doesn't say anything else but he hums anyway. Merlin closes his eyes and takes in a deep breath. Maybe if Merlin makes him think he’s straight, the least they could be is friends. Yeah, Merlin will take that. Maybe Merlin can’t date him but he can be Arthur’s friend, right?

He isn’t sure how Arthur will take to him being gay. And having a crush on him. 

So, Merlin thinks it’s safe for now to let Arthur assume he’s straight. 

At least until they’re close friends. 

Hopefully.

Merlin smiles at that prospect. 

Before he knows it, he’s fallen asleep to the gentle hum of the car, the sweet scent of Arthur and to the comfortable silence. 

 

 


	5. You're My Prince Charming and Knight All Rolled Into One!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: I own nothing but the plot!
> 
> A/N: Sorry for the late updates guys! I wanted to finish the other two Merthur stories I got going on before focusing on this, so here it is! Hope you guys like it! Thank you to those who have read, commented, subscribed, bookmarked and gave this story a kudos! Let me know what you guys think and until the next chapter~! -Krystal

 

Merlin wakes up with a yawn and a few slaps of his lips. He stretches his body upwards like some cat before he settles back down on a soft lump. Merlin opens his eyes, blinking twice before he stares at a not-so-familiar ceiling. He blinks again when he hears a door opening and feet shuffling as they pad their way to somewhere. 

Where…is he?

Merlin sits up and runs a hand through his hair, hissing when his head throbs in pain. 

“Good, you’re awake,” a familiar voice says. 

He looks up and freezes when he realises who it is. 

“Arthur?” Merlin whispers, his heart racing in his chest. He looks around the room he’s in and recognises it as Arthur’s living room. Arthur comes out of the kitchen holding two mugs of something hot. He stands in front of Merlin, handing a mug to him. Merlin takes it all the while confused. 

Arthur sips from his mug before he moves to his bedroom, door closing behind him with a click. Merlin stares at the closed door, raising the mug to his lips. He winces when he realises he’s sipping coffee. It’s a bit too bitter for him. Merlin places the mug on the coffee table, his mind preoccupied with the thoughts that he’s in _Arthur’s_ place.

Merlin’s face reddens as he stands and furrows his eyebrows, trying to remember what happened yesterday.

And when he does; he groans under his breath, slumping back on the sofa. 

He told Arthur he has an ex- _girlfriend_! 

Merlin bites his bottom lip. 

_Well_. 

He wants to be Arthur’s friend though, even if he doesn’t become anything more. It’s a necessary lie now that he looks at it. Merlin hums. Being his friend is better than nothing, right? Merlin nods to himself. 

The door clicks open and Arthur walks out, still sipping his mug of coffee. His blue eyes meet Merlin’s and Merlin gives him a warm smile and a wave. Arthur snorts, shaking his head. 

“Do you remember what happened yesterday?” Arthur asks. 

Merlin tilts his head a bit before he grins. “You brought me to your place!”

Arthur blinks. “That sounds wrong,” he mutters. “But yes. Do you know why?”

“Uh,” Merlin says. “Because…I was drunk?”

Arthur nods. “Right, good. You should leave now. I need to get dressed for class.”

“Oh,” Merlin says, blinking. “Hey, you never told me what you’re studying for!”

“That’s because it’s _none_ of your business,” Arthur says. He stares at Merlin for a second before he adds, “I’m studying Law.” With that, he walks to the kitchen. Merlin beams at that. 

At least now he knows what Arthur is studying in. _Law_. Wow. 

A smart man too!

Merlin hums happily at that, standing up to walk into the kitchen. He hands the mug to Arthur, who takes it with a frown. 

“You didn’t drink it,” he says. Merlin shrugs. 

“I don’t like bitter things,” Merlin says. Arthur snorts again.

“Of course,” Arthur mutters as he walks to the kitchen sink. He places both mugs in it before he turns around. Merlin, meanwhile, has taken the chance to stand a few feet closer to him, staring at Arthur’s face. Arthur still looks magnificent in the morning. His blue eyes are stunning. It makes Merlin’s heart warm. If only he could wake up to that every morning. 

He sighs internally. It would have been so much better if Arthur isn’t straight. 

_Speaking_ of straight…

“You said you have a girlfriend,” Merlin says. “Gwen?”

Arthur raises an eyebrow at that before he nods. “Guinevere is her name. I call her Gwen.”

“Oh,” Merlin says. Then, he enquiries, “Is she pretty?”

Arthur’s face softens and Merlin momentarily holds himself back from frowning as jealousy worms in his chest. 

“Yes, yes she is,” Arthur says before he sobers. “Why do you want to know?”

“Dunno, just curious,” Merlin says. 

“You said you had a girlfriend once,” Arthur says. “What happened to you two?”

Merlin shrugs. “Isn’t that personal?”

Arthur cracks an amused smile at that. It isn’t the warm big smile he gave Merlin when he talked about Gwen yesterday but still, it’s a smile and Merlin will take that. Merlin smiles back. 

“Now you talk about boundaries,” Arthur says, his voice not malicious or unkind. It sends a flutter of butterflies swarming in his stomach. Is this what it feels like to be Arthur’s friend? Merlin likes it. 

“Well,” Merlin says. “We broke up because h— _she’s_ controlling and a jerk. Will said the last part but I agree.”

Arthur frowns. “Oh,” he says. “Well, I’m sorry to hear that.”

“No, don’t be,” Merlin says, waving his hands around. “It’s all in the past.”

In the midst of waving his hands around, he almost sends a jug full of water toppling off the counter. Arthur sighs and Merlin colours before he gives Arthur a wide grin, sheepish. 

“How are you so chirpy early in the morning?” Arthur asks. 

“I’m always chirpy!” Merlin says. Arthur nods. 

“I can see that,” Arthur says as he walks past Merlin to get out of the kitchen. “Anyway, feel free to get out now. I’m going to shower.”

Oh. 

_Shower_.

Arthur with water. Wet. _Naked_.

Merlin shakes his head from that. He wants to see Arthur shirtless and wet. It’s not fair, he whines in his head. It’s so not fair. 

Arthur closes the door to his room before Merlin has a chance to reply. 

Merlin contemplates for a while if he should sneak a peak. Just a peak. That’s all. He promises he’ll be a good friend if he can just have this—

_No_.

Will will literally kick him if he finds out Merlin saw Arthur’s bits. He huffs. 

Merlin looks around the apartment and wonders briefly if he can find a picture of this Gwen. Maybe there is. And Arthur did say if he feels free to leave, he can, right? And he doesn’t feel ‘free to leave’ yet… _so_. 

Merlin pats himself mentally for the excuse and starts sneaking around. He looks at each and every photograph and finds only pictures of him with a woman with black hair and piercing green eyes. Is that Gwen?

She’s certainly pretty. 

Merlin places the picture frames back on the bookshelves. 

He looks at more photographs before he sees one towards the top of the shelves that doesn’t have the green-eyed woman. 

It’s a picture of Arthur kissing a dark-skinned woman on her cheek, snow falling all around them. Merlin picks the photograph up and caresses it. 

It’s a beautiful picture and he feels like this is Gwen. 

It must be. 

He sighs. 

She is _beautiful_. 

Merlin can _never_ compete with that.

He briefly wonders if he can crossdress. He’s been told he has high cheekbones that women die for. And he has pretty long skinny legs that Will might call them twigs but he had been complimented by a few drag queens that he would fit in a dress like a dream with these legs. 

Hm. 

Maybe he will.

Maybe he should go buy a red dress. 

Merlin touches his chest and thinks about his non-existent breasts. Should he get them implanted?

His thoughts are interrupted when the door to the room opened and Arthur walks outside, wearing a pair of fitting blue jeans with a light grey shirt. He also wears a black jacket over it. He freezes when his blue eyes meet Merlin’s. 

Arthur looks confused. 

“You’re… _still_ here,” Arthur says, like he’s unsure of what else to say. Merlin nods, dropping his hands from his chest to his sides. “Why?”

Merlin almost coos at the adorable lost look on his face. 

“Because I didn’t want to leave yet?” Merlin says. 

Arthur opens his mouth and then closes it, running a hand through his messy blond hair. Merlin’s mesmerised by that simple act. He itches to touch the blond hair and to see it for himself if it’s as soft as it looks. Merlin rocks his weight on the balls of his feet and heels. He places his hands behind his back so he doesn’t do what he’s thinking.

Even if he really wants to.

He _really_ wants to. 

He could almost cry at how much he wants to touch his hair. 

And he would have too if he isn’t desperate for anything Arthur’s willing to give to him. 

Curse his pretty girlfriend.

Curse Arthur for being straight!

Wait no, he doesn’t want to curse Arthur. Just his sexuality. 

Would that mean he’s cursing Arthur too?

He frowns. He isn’t sure. 

“Merlin,” Arthur says, his words slow. “You need to leave.”

“Oh,” Merlin says, blinking away from his thoughts. “Oh, okay!”

Just then his phone rings from his pockets. Merlin wiggles it out from his pockets and answers it. 

Only to get yelled at.

“ _Where_ the _fuck_ have you _been_ , you fucking _arsehole_?” Will’s angry voice filters through so loud that Merlin has to distance himself from the phone. Even Arthur has his eyebrows raised. “Merlin? Answer me, you fucking idiot! Where the fuck are you? Do you want to _die_ , is that it? Do you want your own funeral because it sure as hell feels like you want one!”

“Well,” Arthur says. “You should probably leave before whoever it is that’s yelling through your phone comes knocking on my door.”

“ _Who_ the _fuck_ is that talking in the background?” Will continues to yell. “I swear Merlin, if you’re in some fucking _random_ bl—”

“I’m at _Arthur’s_ place!” Merlin says immediately, his eyes wide when he realises what Will’s about to say. That quietens Will. Only for five-seconds. Before he can continue to yell, Merlin rushes out and says, “I’ll be home soon, bye!”

Merlin ends the call and looks up at Arthur, who’s staring right back at him with a blank face. 

“I’ll…leave,” Merlin says, licking his lips. 

“That’ll be for the best, yes,” Arthur agrees. Merlin nods before he walks to the front door, opening it. Merlin hesitates for a second before he turns around and smiles. 

“You look good with your hair like that!” Merlin says, quickly, his face reddening. Arthur blinks and before he could say anything, Merlin stumbles out of Arthur’s place and barrels into his own flat. Just as Merlin closes the door, he gets pulled and turned around by a hand on his collar. 

Will’s bloodshot eyes meet his and it made Merlin scream, startled. 

And then.

Will _slaps_ him. 

_Hard_.

Merlin ends up wailing and Will is crying too and twenty minutes later, they’re huddled together, hugging each other at the front door on the floor with Will running his fingers through Merlin’s hair and Merlin clinging to him like a koala. 

“Don’t _ever_ scare me like that,” Will says, his voice quiet. 

Merlin sniffs. “Okay, sorry.”

“You should be,” Will says with a sigh. “I almost called the police.”

Merlin winces. “Sorry. I didn’t mean to worry you.”

“I know,” Will says. “So, what were you doing at Arthur’s place?”

Merlin pulls away and beams at him. “He brought me back to his place because I was drunk! He’s so nice.”

Will stares at him, deadpanned. “I feel like he only did it out of good conscience.”

Merlin frowns. “He’s still nice either way.”

“Yes, yes, he’s _nice_ ,” Will mutters, rolling his eyes. 

“And,” Merlin says, slightly amused. “He thinks I’m straight.”

Will ends up laughing himself sick. Merlin continues to stare at him, unimpressed, resisting the urge to kick Will. 

“Done?” Merlin asks. 

Will laughs more before he finally subsides and nods, his face red and tears running down his face. 

“You look like a toad, by the way,” Merlin adds, ignoring the indignant squawk from Will saying, ‘Well, you look like a twig that fell off a tree!’. 

“How did he come to the conclusion you’re straight, anyway?” Will asks after he had slapped Merlin again for ignoring him. Merlin rubs his cheek, really considering kicking Will. 

“I asked about his girlfriend and he asked me if I had a girlfriend too and I didn’t correct him,” Merlin says. “Well, I corrected him about the fact that he’s now my ex-‘girlfriend’.”

Will snorts. “Cenred would _love_ being called a girlfriend.”

Merlin flinches at his name and Will becomes serious, sighing. 

“Merlin, I told you not to badger him,” Will says, _Look #34: I-Am-Trying-To-Be-Your-Mother_ crossing his face. Merlin absolutely loathes that look. 

“And I told you not to act like Mum!” Merlin says. “Have you been taking lessons from her?”

Will shrugs. “She’s a great teacher.”

Merlin groans and rubs his face. 

“But, seriously, Merlin,” Will says. 

“I know, I _know_ ,” Merlin grumbles as he stands up. “He has a girlfriend. He loves her. He’s straight. I get it!”

Will only looks at him and Merlin knows he sees right through him. 

“Do you?”

_Fuck you, Will._

 

***

 

Merlin sighs. 

“Look,” Merlin says to Customer #15 for the day. “For the _last_ time, I do _not_ want to murder you just because you’re _blond_! I don’t want to murder _anyone_ at all!”

The blond customer still eyes him warily, dragging the hood of his blue jacket over his head. Merlin sighs. 

“Just get me my mocha,” the blond says, ten feet away from the counter.

Merlin gives him a sharp creepy smile that makes him look like the murderer he claims not to be. The blond decides at last that Merlin can keep the mocha and runs out of the cafe with his metaphorical tail between his legs. 

Merlin sighs for the umpteenth time. 

“Do you really hate your job that much?” Lancelot asks, his co-worker for the shift. Merlin scowls at him. Lancelot simply smiles. 

“Shut up, Lancelot,” Merlin grumbles. “Don’t make me murder brunets next.”

Lancelot blinks. “You’re a brunet.”

Merlin shows him his tongue. 

Lancelot rolls his eyes. 

“So, you’re weird to other people too,” a familiar voice says, catching his attention. Immediately, Merlin’s horrible day shifts to sunshines and rainbows and unicorns when he meets those gorgeous blue eyes. 

“Arthur!” Merlin exclaims, giddy. He grins. Arthur sighs. 

“Coffee, black,” Arthur says. Merlin, though, leans on the counter to look at him dead in the eyes. 

“How are you?” Merlin asks. 

“We just met this morning,” Arthur deadpans even if his eyes twinkle in amusement. Merlin almost melts at how handsome he looks. His hair is messier since this morning but it looks good on him. 

“Oh, is this the neighbour you’re talking about?” a woman’s voice said from next to Arthur. 

Merlin snaps his eyes towards a short woman, with pretty dark skin and a pair of beautiful ruby-lipped smile. Her hair is wavy and curly at the same time and was shoulder length. She has her hand interlinked with Arthur’s and Merlin knew exactly _who_ she is. 

She’s _Guinevere_. 

Arthur’s girlfriend and for all Merlin saw her as: The Rival™. 

She’s as beautiful as she was from the picture and Merlin feels his chest ache. 

He’s never going to be her. 

Not that he wants to but. 

She’s got _Arthur_. 

“Hi,” Merlin says. 

“Hello,” Gwen says as she hands her hand out. “I’m Guinevere. Arthur said you might be working here.”

“Oh, yes, I work here,” Merlin says, smiling at her politely (read: trying to force the two corners of his lips to tilt upwards and hoping he doesn’t look like he needs to poop badly) and shakes her hand. “It’s nice to meet you, Guinevere. I’m Merlin.”

“Nice to meet you too, Merlin,” Gwen says. “You can call me Gwen.”

“Right,” Merlin says, feeling the smile on his face becoming painful. Arthur snorts. 

“Merlin, I want my coffee,” Arthur says. 

“Arthur, be polite,” Gwen admonishes and Merlin finds himself liking her a bit. Ugh, he’s really _never_ going to be her. 

Arthur smiles at her and Merlin sees his face becoming soft and open. 

“Right, and you?” Merlin asks, the most normal he has been since he was born. It feels weird to be normal, Merlin notes. Gwen hums as she looks at the menu. 

“Hot chocolate?” Gwen asks. Merlin nods and keys in the orders, not sparing Arthur another glance. He now admits that he’s been hopeful all this while that Arthur could at least be swayed but he’s wrong. Gwen seems to be a nice woman. Arthur deserves that. 

Merlin gives the orders to Lancelot and Arthur eyes him weirdly. 

“Here you lot go,” Lancelot says from the dropping-off counter. Arthur grabs the drinks and hands one cup to Gwen as they go and grab an empty table near the windows. Merlin couldn’t resist a peek at them and bites his bottom lip when he sees how happy they look, laughing together and huddling close next to each other. 

Merlin is so goddamn lonely, he’s not even joking. 

Maybe he should go for a one night stand after all.

He shoves that idea from his head the minute it enters his mind because let’s face it. 

Merlin’s easily attached. 

Exhibit 1: Arthur. 

So. Merlin guesses he’ll just have to make do with his right hand. Maybe left hand would make an appearance tonight. 

Merlin weeps for his sex life’s slow death. 

Another customer walks in, a blond tall guy with strong shoulders and pair of pretty green eyes. Merlin blinks at him and tells himself to calm the fuck _down_ because there’s no way this guy is going to be the next Arthur. 

Merlin has learnt his lesson, thanks. 

Merlin plasters a pretty, if he say so himself, smile. 

Yeah. 

_Pretty_.

Only the blondie with pretty green eyes didn’t smile back and instead, proceeds to glare at him like Merlin has mortally offended him. 

Will says he has mortally offended almost everyone he meets and almost everyone he hasn’t meet, which in Merlin’s opinion is a lot of bull—but he’s proving it right at the moment. 

Merlin’s smile didn’t falter though. No.

Like Selena’s song: Kill it with kindness.

Merlin stops himself there because he really doesn’t need to be associated with anything murder-y. Not after the reputation he’s gained for himself because of that fucking useless tap.

To which Merlin makes a note in his head to destroy it later. 

Because again, _fuck you, tap._

“How can I help you today?” Merlin asks the blond with pretty green eyes. 

“You can help me by getting me someone else to take my order,” blond with not-so-pretty-green-eyes-anymore snaps. Merlin’s smile falters then. 

“Oh,” Merlin says. “Uhm, sorry, but I’m the only one taking orders today.”

“ _Great_ ,” the man says. “Anyone would do. I don’t want to let some creep taking my order.”

Merlin frowns now, offended. “I’m not a creep. Don’t be rude.”

“Oh wow, the pervert is trying to justify himself!” the blond says. “What? You gonna try murder me next if I’m rude?”

Merlin holds back from exclaiming that it was an _accident_. 

“I,” Merlin begins, unsure of what to say. He never has people coming right up to his face and calling him names before. Not when he’s all alone without Will next to him. It’s a bit unsettling and Merlin didn’t want to feel this way. He takes in a deep breath to calm himself down. “Sir—”

“Don’t _call_ me that,” the man snaps again, his voice getting louder. “It’s making me want to vomit. I don’t mind being called Sir by someone else but not when it comes from ugly perverts like you.”

Merlin’s eyes burn. 

His cheeks redden from the humiliation and anger as well as hurt. 

The man’s sardonic and cruel and some people are staring at them, not even trying to help. 

“Hey, mate, maybe you should back away,” Lancelot says as he appears next to Merlin. 

“What? You’re defending him?” the man scoffs. “He’s a fucking weirdo and you’re readily working with him? What if he creeps on you or something?”

“Now, look here,” Lancelot starts, angry blush covering his face, his expression becoming fierce. 

Before Lancelot can say anything, the man is pulled away from the counter and pushed aside. Merlin watches in mild fascination and admiration when he sees its Arthur who’s done that. 

“Go away,” Arthur says, his voice low. The man blinks. 

“You’re the guy he tried to murder!” the man says. 

“Seriously, _get lost_ ,” Arthur says. 

“You almost died and you’re defending that creep?” the man demands. 

Arthur takes a sharp step towards the man. “Leave before I knock all your teeth off. He’s not a creep, alright?”

The man stares at Arthur like he’s seeing something perplexing before he shakes his head. “Yeah, whatever,” he says and leaves the café. Merlin breathes properly and rubs his eyes. Some tears would have spilled over if Arthur and Lancelot haven’t stepped in.

Merlin thins his lips. 

Why was he so weak?

“You okay?” Lancelot asks, placing a hand on his shoulder. Merlin glances at him before giving him a weak smile. “Go on, go to the break room. I can take care of things for a while.”

“Thanks,” Merlin whispers and glances at Arthur, who looks back at him with a blank face. “Thanks,” Merlin repeats it to him before he hurries to the backroom. He sits on one of the empty chairs near a table and buries his face in his hands. 

That has been so _humiliating_.

Merlin chokes back a hysterical laugh threatening to escape his lips. 

At least Arthur saved him.

Merlin shakes his head. 

Will is going to be Mama Will again and he just got him to stop being Mama Will after Cenred and his breakup. 

_Great_. 

He’s really going to fucking destroy that tap.

 

***

 

Will isn’t home when Merlin got back, so he counts his blessings. He takes a shower and feels marginally better from hours ago. He has long forgotten the incident. He doesn’t need some random arse to ruin his day. Merlin is a strong man. 

Maybe he sucks at defending himself and freezes whenever someone tries to start confrontation but he’s still the bigger man to let it all go. Forgive and forget they say.

Merlin nods.

Forgive and forget.

What he _cannot_ forget is the fact Arthur saved him. 

Sure, Lancelot did too. But Arthur— _saved_ him. 

_Him_.

Became his _prince charming_!

Merlin almost swooned at that. 

So, he decides to repay Arthur by baking for him something— _again_. 

He still has the remaining ingredients from the last time he tried to bake. 

This time, instead of eight times, he only has to redo the entire recipe four times! That’s an improvement, right?

Merlin thinks so. 

He ignores the suspicious voice that sounds awfully like Will in the back of his mind saying: _it’s not and Merlin’s making a bigger mess than last time_. 

He’ll clean it up. 

Will never has to know. 

Since he learned from his mistakes, he uses a pair of oven gloves to open the oven door and take out the tray of baked cupcakes. He lets them cool and finally, plates them in a pretty oval plate. 

He then walks out of his flat and goes next door, knocking on it. 

He forgets that it’s no longer seven in the evening which was the time he came back home. Now, it’s twelve midnight. 

Still.

Arthur answered his door last time. 

Merlin knocks again and still there’s been no answer. Merlin frowns. 

He knocks again and again until he realises that no one is going to answer.

Merlin frowns deeper and grips his plate of cupcakes tighter. 

Is Arthur ignoring him?

Merlin feels his heart deflating. 

He stares at his plate of cupcakes and huddles it closer to his chest. 

Oh wells. 

“Merlin?” Arthur’s voice appeared from behind him. Merlin turns to look, beaming when he realises Arthur isn’t ignoring him but instead he’s just got home. 

“Hi!” Merlin says. “You’re back!”

“Yeah,” Arthur says as he searches Merlin’s face. Merlin bites his bottom lip, his cheeks pinking under his intense gaze. His blue eyes then lands on the plate Merlin is holding. “Oh no.”

“I baked for you these as a thank you!” Merlin says, eyes wide and shining. 

“Merlin, you _can’t_ bake,” Arthur says but his lips twitches into a smile. Merlin beams more at that. Arthur opens the front door and walks inside, leaving it open. Merlin realises a second later that Arthur expects him to come inside. 

His heart races in his chest, he doesn’t hesitate to step inside. 

Arthur is at the living room, taking off his shoulder bag and drops it on the sofa. 

“Here,” Merlin says as he takes a few steps towards the blond, handing the plate to him. Arthur takes it and flops on the sofa. 

Arthur hesitates but Merlin doesn’t blame him. He would hesitate too. He practically murdered Arthur’s taste buds the last time. He just hopes this time it tastes better. 

Arthur glances at him before he takes a bite out of one cupcakes. 

And then gets up to run to the kitchen, the plate shoved to Merlin. 

Merlin sighs.

Merlin sets the plate on the counter and follows Arthur to the kitchen where he sees the blond washing his tongue with the water straight from the tap and shudders. 

“Sorry,” Merlin says, pouting. Arthur takes in deep breaths after he turns off the tap. He turns to look at him before he shakes his head.

“Never, ever,” Arthur says. “ _Ever_ bake again.”

Merlin pouts deeper. “Sorry.”

Arthur looks at him for a while before he chuckles. 

Merlin takes that as a sign he’s forgiven and smiles. 

Silence lapsed for a while before Arthur clears his throat, looking at the floor as he leans against the counter. “How are you?”

Merlin tilts his head to one side before he feels this burst of happiness at the apparent concern Arthur has for him. Oh God, calm down Merlin. He still has a girlfriend! But Arthur is worried for him!

“Uhm, I’m fine,” Merlin says. Arthur glances at him. 

“You sure?” he asks, his voice is lightly tinted in concern. Merlin’s heart leaps again in his chest. 

“Yes,” Merlin says before he shrugs. “Like I said, I’ve been called worse. Though, this time, it’s not my fault.”

Arthur’s jaw clenches before he nods once. “As long as you’re fine.”

“I am!” Merlin says, chuckling a bit. “Thanks for worrying!”

“I’m not—” Arthur begins before he clicks his tongue. “You’re weird.”

Merlin blinks. 

Arthur adds immediately after with a smile, “But interesting too.”

Merlin feels his face heating up as he shrugs feebly. “T—Thanks.”

“Even Gwen finds you adorable,” Arthur muses. 

Merlin feels his face getting hotter. “Really?” he asks. Arthur nods.

“She thinks you’re cute,” Arthur says with a wider smile. “You kinda are, I guess, if someone is into the whole puppy look.”

Merlin isn’t sure which point to grasp from Arthur’s sentence. Either way, it overwhelms him with fluster and shyness as well as a dash of joy. 

“Thanks, I guess,” Merlin mumbles, a smile threatening to take over his face. “Gwen and you look good together.”

Arthur looks pleased. “Thanks. We’ve been dating since sixth form.”

That’s…a long time. 

A _very_ long time. 

“Oh,” Merlin says. “Uhm, congratulations?”

Arthur chuckles. “ _Weird_ ,” Arthur says. “Anyway, what about you?”

“What about me?” Merlin asks, confused at this sudden change of topic. 

“Do you have any new love interest?” Arthur asks. 

“W— _What_?” Merlin screeches. Arthur winces at the volume and pitch. 

“It’s fine if you don’t want to tell,” Arthur states, rubbing his right ear. “I was just trying to make conversation. Gwen told me to make friends with you since you seem like a good person.”

_Oh_.

Was he only being friends with him because Gwen said so?

Merlin decides not to qualm over that since he’s still getting Arthur’s friendship after everything. That’s still good, despite how he got it. 

“Well, I do like someone,” Merlin admits, his cheeks pink. “But I don’t want to tell them yet.”

“Oh,” Arthur says. “Well, have you talked to her yet?”

Right, Arthur thinks he’s straight. Merlin does what he does best when he starts panicking. He bluffs his way through. 

“Yeah,” Merlin says with a smile. “We’re friends. She treats me well.”

Arthur smiles at that. “Good,” he says. 

Merlin nods, unsure of what to say to that. 

“Well, I’m pretty tired,” Arthur says, a yawn spills from his lips. Merlin yawns involuntarily. He blinks a few times before he nods at Arthur. 

“Okay, I’ll leave now,” Merlin says as he hurries to the living room and gathers the plate of cupcakes. Arthur grimaces when his eyes land on them. “Sorry. I tried.”

Arthur runs his fingers through his hair. “It’s fine. It’s the thought that counts.”

Merlin agrees. “Yeap! So, uh, good night then! Sleep well and dream of sprinkles and glitters! I always have a nice day the night after.”

Arthur’s lips twitch to smile again before he says, “Go, Merlin. Good night.”

Merlin smiles wider at him before he walks to the front door. He waves at Arthur once he’s outside and realises that Arthur doesn’t closes his door until Merlin enters his flat. 

He only realises that small fact when he’s cleaning the kitchen. 

He blinks at that and then grins. 

He’s getting closer to Arthur day by day and he’s liking it so far. 

 


End file.
